Sure Ways to be Irresistible to Men

by Sabrina Alexis

Being irresistible to men isn’t about playing games, manipulation, or forcing yourself to be someone you’re not. It’s not about what you wear or achieving a certain beauty look.

Being the kind of girl who intrigues a man to the point of real interest, and interests a man to the point where he is eager to commit, starts from within and then radiates outward. It’s important to have an awareness of what it is men want and also an understanding of why developing these traits will not only help you in dating and relationships, but will make your life better overall.

Over the years, I’ve analyzed and interviewed countless men. Through my research, I’ve discovered five traits that men across the board find irresistible in a woman. Learning what they are will help you attract the right guy if you’re single, and will help you re-ignite the spark if you’re already in a relationship.

Here they are:

1. Be Confident

This one is the winner every time. Guys want a confident, happy woman. A woman who loves herself, knows her worth, and knows she can get what she wants in this world.

Healthy self-esteem is a prerequisite for healthy relationships. It gives you the confidence to choose who to be with and to believe someone worthwhile will want to be with you.

If you have low self-esteem, make it a priority to work on this. Learn to find more joy and meaning in your life. Until you get there, act like someone with high self-esteem. This means not being jealous of other people, not needing guys to validate you, not putting yourself down and complaining about your life.

Try to maintain a vision of who you want to be, and what confidence looks like, and try to act accordingly.

2. Be a Mystery 

The only way to turn attraction into passion is to insert your way into a man’s thoughts. This doesn’t mean wearing something revealing so he’s picturing you naked while talking to you. It means making a strong impression, one that leaves him unable to stop thinking about you for days.

The best way to do this is to be a little mysterious. Be vague with the stories you tell him, this will cause him to ask more questions about you which will build intrigue. And don’t feel the need to tell him everything about yourself, just drop some clues and let him figure it out. The human mind loves to fill in missing gaps. A good way to monitor yourself is to only reveal as much as he reveals to you.
Being a mystery does not mean acting cold or bitchy. It means you only show him certain sides of yourself to start. The best way to start things off is to show him you’re a happy, confident, fun girl.

These are qualities every guys wants in a woman so he will immediately be drawn to you.

Also, don’t be too obvious with your level of interest. Give him just enough so he knows he has a chance, but not so much that he considers it a sure thing.

Studies have shown that we are most attracted to people when we don’t know exactly how they feel about us. If he knows exactly where you stand he’ll get bored and move on. If he knows he doesn’t have a chance, he won’t want to bother. If he thinks he might have a chance,  you’ll have his full attention.

3. Be Easy to be Around- No Drama

Men like their lives to be easy and pleasant, no muss no fuss. The biggest turn off to a guy is a drama queen who makes mountains out of every molehill.

The way guys  see it, they have enough stress in their lives as is and a relationship should be an escape from that.

If you’re cool and easy to be around, men will want to be around you!

Smile, relax, don’t over think or overanalyze. If you can take a more easygoing approach to relationships (and life in general), then suddenly, and without much effort, things will start to work out how you want them to.

4. Embrace Your Femininity

Most men want to feel like the man. The best way to encourage this is to embrace your femininity.

Tap into your soft, gentle, graceful side, we all have it in is somewhere.

I know today’s society encourages women to be bold, tough, and aggressive. I’m not saying you shouldn’t be a strong woman, I’m just saying to temper this out a bit by not neglecting your femininity.

Men want to be the providers, they want to feel like the man. If you dress like a girl, act like a girl, and let him take care of you a bit, you’ll tap into a deep fundamental need of his and he won’t want to let you go.

5. Have Your Own Life

A man’s greatest fear is losing his freedom and being trapped in a relationship. Men pick up on how much you need them and instantly feel pressured and back off.

If you have your own life (and maintain the life you had before the relationship once you’re in it), he won’t feel this pressure and will give more of himself to you.

No matter what stage of a relationship you’re in, it’s essential to remain passionate about your life and to never stop setting goals for yourself and pursuing your dreams. A relationship isn’t an final destination. It’s part of the journey that can help you reach your potential and get exactly what it is you want out of life.


Original Article: anewmode.com

Dating After Divorce

by Jenny Erikson

Dating is rough, man. Well, sometimes it’s really good, but dang it if it doesn’t suck when that guy you thought you totally connected with doesn’t seem to return the feeling. Or maybe you’re getting along just fine, but then he says or does something that immediately snaps you to attention -- and not in a good way.

The fact of the matter is that if you’re dating after divorce, you’ve got baggage. It’s hard to go from a supposedly lifelong committed relationship to dinner with someone you met online, texted a couple of times, and maybe had a phone conversation or two with. It’s exciting, yes, but it can also be nerve-racking as all get out.

Here are some tips for surviving the beginning stages of a brand new relationship after divorce.

Remember that he’s not your ex: This is possibly the most important one to remember. Just because he mentions his mom doesn’t mean he’s a mama’s boy, and if he doesn’t text you for a day or two, it doesn’t mean he’s willfully ignoring you -- he may just be super busy. Of course he’s not perfect (neither are you) but he’s got his own unique issues that you’ll figure out eventually if the relationship keeps moving forward. For now, just enjoy the not knowing.

Don’t date to cheer yourself up: Date when you feel good enough about yourself to risk the rejection of, well, rejection. It’s highly unlikely that you’ll meet your next life partner two seconds after your marriage ended, which means that there are going to be some times where you’re just not that into each other, and of course the painful times when he’s just not that into you. Try to be in a healthy, emotional place before you open yourself up to that.

Play the field: If you’re fresh out of a divorce, chances are that you’ve been obsessing over your relationship with your ex-spouse for a while. The last thing you need is to obsess over one person again, which you may have a natural inclination to do if you put all your dating eggs in one basket.

Take care of yourself: Don’t expect a new flame to be an emotional crutch, or have anything to do with your honey-do list. This is the time to show him, but more importantly yourself, that you’re a capable lady who would like a man, but doesn’t need one.

Remember that men are like buses: Another one is always around the corner. Seriously, it’s ridiculous how many single people are out there looking for love just like you. If it doesn’t work out after a few dates with someone, don’t try to hold onto it with a death grip. Trying to fit a square peg into a round hole never does anyone any good. Take a deep breath, tell yourself you just prevented your second divorce, and let it go.

What was your biggest challenge dating after divorce?


Original Article: huffingtonpost.com

40 Tips for Finding Love After 40

By Amy Meadows

"Enjoy yourself—that’s what your 20s are for. Your 30s are for learning the lessons. Your 40s are to pay for the drinks." —Sarah Jessica Parker as Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City: The Movie

That’s certainly one way to look at it. However, if you’re like the many single 40-somethings out there, you realize that you’re in the prime of your life, and enjoying yourself is the name of the game. In fact, with a myriad of life lessons already under your belt, now is probably the best time to find someone special—someone who is both a loyal companion and a true soul mate.

You may be on the lookout right now, using such successful online dating sites as Match.com or eHarmony, through which thousands upon thousands of people have found love. Or, you could be out on the singles scene in Atlanta, making connections as you visit the city’s numerous hot spots. There’s even a possibility that you’ve let yourself be fixed up on a blind date or two. Whatever avenue you prefer for meeting people, it never hurts to have some valuable, realistic advice from the experts as you navigate the sometimes choppy waters of finding real, everlasting love.

We’ve asked a panel of local experts to share their top tips for finding love after the age of 40. Their words of wisdom are designed to help you find the kind of relationship that meets your individual wishes and needs at this exciting point in your life. From professional matchmakers to experienced relationship coaches, we’ve gathered a group of love aficionados who understand what it takes for mature adults to identify what they want and how to achieve it.

40 tips from Atlanta’s Experts

Uli Eitel, president and CEO of Sterling Introductions, a premier nationwide personal matchmaking service for upscale singles Expert Tips 1-10

1. Get into the gratitude habit. When you are grateful, you feel good about yourself and you are in the right frame of mind to attract love into your life. Acknowledging what you have lays the foundation for bringing great things, events and people into your life.

2. Set realistic relationship goals. Define the values and qualities that you need to have in a life partner. Try to narrow it down to the most important ones. Remember, nobody is perfect! Trying to find Mr. or Mrs. Perfect will keep you single forever.

3. Visualize relationship success. Often, we are our worst enemies when it comes to having a healthy self-image and a positive vision for our life. Don’t let yourself be influenced by negative thoughts about your age. Every day, couples over 40 tie the knot! Love can and will happen at any age, if you are open and receptive.

4. Take good care of yourself. A healthy lifestyle and a positive mindset are a prerequisite for relationship success. How joyful and happy we feel is reflected in our appearance and energy level, and it is directly connected to our personal relationships.

5. Follow your passions. Many singles put their lives on hold until they meet “the one.” Don’t wait to take that special trip or try out a new restaurant. One of the great gifts I gave myself when I was single was a Caribbean Cruise. I had the time of my life and actually met a few eligible gentlemen on board.

6. Get out of your comfort zone. It is time to tackle your “bucket list!” If you always wanted to take that mountain climbing class, do it. Besides pushing your limits and challenging the status quo, trying new things also presents great opportunities to meet people.

7. Keep an open mind. If your ideal man is George Clooney without the commitment issues, it is time to revise your list. Be realistic about the type of partner you see yourself with. If you meet someone who has the core values and character traits that are important to you, but he may be a bit shorter than your ideal, give it a chance.

8. Learn from your past relationships. Being over 40 is the best age to finally know what’s important in life and relationships. We can now learn from past mistakes and get it right. Do you see unhealthy patterns in your past love relationships? Now is the time for change! You may hire a relationship coach to assist you in figuring out how to create that healthy relationship you deserve.

9. Practice flirting. Men love women who are easy-going, fun and flirtatious. Make eye contact and smile for an immediate connection. If your flirting skills could use some brushing up, practice in a non-threatening environment, such as a shopping mall or grocery store. Hold that gaze just a split second too long and you may be surprised by the positive responses you’ll receive.

10. Don’t be afraid to ask for professional assistance. We are open to reaching out for professional assistance in all areas of our lives—we hire tax consultants, investment professionals or personal trainers, yet when it comes to our love lives, we mistakenly believe that we can find our life partner by chance. Hiring a professional matchmaker will greatly enhance your chances of meeting the person who’s right for you. A reputable matchmaking service will only work with qualified individuals and will ensure a comfortable and respectful experience.

Arlene Ingram, executive director and owner of Atlanta’s Upscale Singles, an Atlanta-based service that offers singles aged 45 to 60 a positive, upscale, relaxed social environment that provides opportunities for networking, friendships, dating and relationships. Expert Tips 11-20

11. Love yourself first. Self-appreciation is the first essential step to accepting or giving love. The value you place on yourself is measured and returned by others. If you do not love yourself, how can you expect others to love you?

12. Resolve relationship issues. Anyone above 10 years old has encountered disappointments and hurts in the area of relationships. Hence, past experiences and issues may need resolution before love becomes a possibility.

13. Learn something new. Take golf, tennis or dance lessons. Ladies, men congregate on the course for business and pleasure. Gentlemen, an invitation to dance is usually welcomed and provides just enough time for introductions. In Atlanta, tennis is a popular sport. There is sure to be love with mixed doubles on the courts.

14. Always wear a smile! Smiling makes you approachable, enhances your appearance and attracts others.

15. Join a social group for singles age 40 and better. These types of groups offer diverse activities monthly and provide an instant social network.

16. Volunteer your time and talents to a charitable organization. Helping others feels good and can be an opportunity to meet others with common values. (Visit www.bestselfconnect.com for volunteer opportunities.)

17. Get out of the house! Leave the office! The FedEX person will not deliver your significant other to your door. Rather than sipping coffee alone, go to the nearest Starbucks or coffee spot. It is a great place to meet other singles.

18. Attend networking events. Check online calendars such as Events in Your Area or Atlanta Buzz for local options. Approach others with a smile and your business card. Ask how you may assist them in their profession. Networking events are great places to make connections. (Visit www.bestselfconnect.com for networking opportunities.)

19. Check out online dating sites. Many have met as a result of online sites such as Plenty of Fish, eHarmony, Match.com and Perfect Match. Submit an interesting profile with a current picture and let the communication begin!

20. Attend your high school reunion. Get reacquainted with old friends. There are plenty of stories about high school sweethearts rekindling the romance.

Irene LaCota of It’s Just Lunch, a professional dating and matchmaking service with franchises throughout Georgia Expert Tips 21-30

21. Check the baggage. If you’re over 40 and single, you’ve either dated a lot in your life or not very much. (If you were married for years, the idea of dating again may be overwhelming!) It’s normal to have baggage from past relationships or feel drained by the dating process, but remember not to unload heavy emotional issues or hurt feelings about your ex on early dates.

22. Positivity attracts. Speaking of baggage ... not only should you check negativity at the door, but also focus your attention on what’s fun and interesting about your date, and you will enjoy the date more. Besides, people are drawn to people who are positive!

23. Network with people you know. Your friends and your network may be one of the best resources when you are single. Not only will they be there to support you, but they also can help facilitate introductions. Before you consider looking for love far away, consider that people in your community may have connections for you that you haven’t thought about.

24. Pick up new friends. At a certain age, it’s common for singles to feel that they are in a different life stage than their married friends. If most of your Saturday nights are spent hanging out with your friend, his or her spouse and two children, even if you adore them, it may be time to pick up new single women and men for friendship.

25. Know your deal breakers. If you keep dating the same type of person and it’s not working, it may be time to revise your checklist. Ask yourself: what are your top five deal breakers? You may want to base this list on qualities people possessed who were difficult for you to handle in past relationships. (You won’t have different results if you keep dating the same type!)

26. Look in the mirror. You’re fabulous, no doubt, but there are probably things you did—or didn’t do—in your last relationship or on dates that you can learn from. So often we blame others and don’t take time to reflect on how we showed up. Once you look at your self-defeating pattern, you are less likely to repeat it.

27. Play up your passions. What are you passionate about? Passion is one of the sexiest qualities you can possess. If you haven’t done something in a while that brings you pleasure, make a commitment to try it again and you will have a certain je nais se quoi that will make you irresistible in dating.

28. Focus on what makes you a fine catch. So many daters focus on their flaws and why someone they like would never be interested in them. If self-doubt creeps up, replace the negative thought with something you absolutely love about yourself. Write down 10 things that make you a great catch. If you can’t think of anything, enroll good friends to help.

29. Take the pressure off. Early dating shouldn’t be full of pressure. You shouldn’t know if you want to marry someone after the first five minutes (contrary to popular belief and speed networking events!). The only question you need to ask yourself on an early date is if you’re having fun and want to learn more about the other person or not.

30. Take risks. If you’ve been hurt (and let’s face it, at a certain point in life we all have!), you may be anxious about getting back into the dating game. Remember that the act of love requires taking risks and being open—with your mind and in your heart.

Amber Salisbury, love coach and owner of Feel the Love International LLC, an Atlanta-based professional matchmaking service.es Expert Tips 31-40

31. Look at it as an adventure. Look at this journey to love as an adventure, not a difficult task that may never end. Start getting excited about all the new people you will meet. Get excited about how much you will learn about yourself during this process. Pretend that you are a dating scientist and you are cataloging all of your interesting dating experiences. Do whatever you need to do to keep this experience fun, light and exciting. Fun people are ridiculously attractive.

32. Focus only on what you want. Whatever you focus on will grow. If you focus on fear,  you become more fearful; if you focus on doubt, more doubtful. But if you focus on love and how much you already have in your life, you will find yourself more grateful, more satisfied and more loving. This will also help you to let go of any feelings of lack or neediness. Neediness is NOT sexy.

33. Don’t wait until you are in love to start loving. Now that you are focused on what you want—love—start acting on that emotion. Make a list of all the people you love. Friend love and family love are both very powerful emotions. Start concentrating on the relationships that you already have in your life. Let these people know how much you appreciate them.

34. Forget that you are 40. Instead, remind yourself of your brilliance and beauty. Make a list of all the things that are extraordinary about you. What do YOU bring to the party? Attraction doesn’t have much to do with age or even physical appearance but has everything to do with self-confidence—the way you carry yourself and the belief that you carry about YOU. Own and adore all that you know you are.

35. Don’t engage in negative conversations. Steer clear of any conversations about how terrible it is to be dating at 40, or how there are “no good men or women out there.” Remember to keep your focus on what you want and also remember that you only need one. With billions of people on the planet, I promise you there is at least one good one left.

36. Create a Dream Partner List. Creating a Dream Partner List is possibly the most important thing you can do when you are looking for love. Dedicate one evening to writing your list. Grab your journal and a glass of wine, put on some Barry White or whatever does it for you and then go to work on capturing all of the qualities that you want and desire in your partner. Don’t worry about being too specific. The truth is that your list is just an exercise to help you be clearer about what it is you want to attract and what you will be looking for in a mate.

37. Create a Partner from Hell List. This list is easy to do. We all know what we don’t want and have probably dated him or her several times. Think of all of the relationships that have not worked out in the past and capture—on paper—all of the qualities that you are certain that you don’t want in your Dream Man or Woman.

38. Be patient. Allow yourself to enjoy the process. Don’t become too anxious or fearful that it is not happening fast enough. Finding the right partner could happen overnight or it could take a little time. Just have fun with it. Remember—anxious, needy people are NOT sexy.

39. Make a vision board for your love life. Your brain thinks in pictures. It is easier for your mind to “create pictures” of how you want your love life unfold. Schedule an evening, invite some friends over and go through magazines, finding pictures that represent the life that you want and the partner that you want. Sunset cruises, a couple on a beach, a loving family—whatever it is that you desire. Look at this visual representation every night before bed and each morning as you wake up. Again, this is just another way to have fun with this process.

40. Celebrate bad dates. This one is key. Celebrating dates gone wrong is really important. As you are out in the dating world, experiencing many different people and dating experiences, take the time to open up your journal and capture the things you like and dislike from each person you encounter. Add to that Dream Partner List and the Partner From Hell List. Remember that each bad date is giving you more clarity about what you know you don’t want, which means that you now have an even more solid idea of the partner you want to attract. Saying NO to one thing is actually saying YES to something else.

Originally this article appeared in bestselfatlanta.com

10 Ways to Know You’re Dating a Good Woman

by James Michael Sama 

If reading this is your first introduction to my writing, I feel the need to give a disclaimer. I am writing this article because I published a male version a few months ago and fair is fair, ladies…I also typically write on equality, love, and respect.

That being said – while women are more likely to speak up about their dating dissatisfaction than men are, I think it’s equally as important to discuss both sides of the coin.

So, how does a good woman with class act when in a relationship?

A good woman moves past petty jealousies. 

While some jealousy [protectiveness] is natural in a relationship, it’s important that both partners are secure enough in themselves and each other to know where to focus their energy.

A mature woman will allow the man in her life to have his freedom, providing he doesn’t betray her trust.

A good woman is intellectually challenging.

There is no denying that someone’s looks are what initially draws us to them. It’s difficult to spot a great personality from across the room. Many a fling was built on physical attraction alone, but how long can it last?

When conversations lack depth or intrigue, we often fill our time with physical activity together, but it is impossible to build a real connection or lasting relationship with someone on that alone. Being intellectually challenging and having the ability to hold real discussions about meaningful topics, will always trump shallow beauty in the long run.

A good woman is honest and genuine.

How long will you stay in a committed relationship with a beautiful or handsome liar? If you cannot trust your partner or believe what they say, how can you construct a solid, lasting foundation with them? You can’t.

A good woman is empathetic. 

Being compassionate, supportive, and encouraging towards your partner is a huge part of building a successful relationship. Nobody wants a person who is a “Debbie Downer” all the time and will not support them in their endeavors or their times of need.

A good woman is ambitious.

In addition to supporting and encouraging you pursuing your own goals and dreams, she will have her own as well. A mature woman has a vision for her future and chases after it with voracity.

A mature woman will be someone you can take on the world with. A partner in crime, a teammate in your relationship, and in life.

A good woman is consistent.

Being consistent is a valuable virtue because it lets your partner know that you really are who you are. You haven’t sent your “representative” to get to know them during the first couple of months of dating, but then suddenly transform once they’ve committed themselves to you.

To clarify the point, think of consistency as the opposite of volatility. If someone is unpredictable and volatile, it’s difficult to know how they will be acting towards you on a certain day, and that gets old no matter how aesthetically pleasing she is.

A good woman puts in effort for you.

I am all about giving in relationships. I believe seeing your significant other happy should also make you happy – but it is important to understand that it goes both ways.

Her putting in effort doesn’t have to be much. It can be something as simple as slipping the waiter her debit card to pay for dinner. It’s no secret that sometimes the romance wears off of longer term relationships, but you shouldn’t let it – and neither should she.

If a woman continues to do what she knows attracted you in the first place, even after she got you a long time ago, it shows she cares about keeping you around.

A good woman carries herself with class.

I’ve said it before, and I will say it again. Class has nothing to do with the price tag on your outfit. Class is about the dignity you carry yourself with and the level of respect you show to those around you.

It doesn’t matter what kind of car someone is driving, what part of town they live in, or what brand of clothing they’re wearing – if they have an ugly attitude and embarrass others in public, none of it matters.

A good woman works to improve herself.

Whether it be committing to reading a new book or watching a documentary on a topic she wants to learn more about, a mature woman is always looking to improve in order to live a happier life.

In a generation of photoshop and ultra-thin fashion models, there is so much emphasis on improving the body that we cannot forget to also improve the mind.

A good woman will make you want to be the best version of yourself, without changing who you really are.

This is an identical point to the last one in the male version of this article, because it is equally true for both genders. A woman will empower those around her. She will strive for greatness and therefore inspire others to strive for it as well. This not only includes friends and co-workers, but also significant others.

As Mark Twain said – Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.

Original Article: jamesmsama.com

How Do You Know if a Person Is a Player?

A colleague of mine recently met a guy. There was chemistry. He wined and dined her. They had fun together. Then all of a sudden he said that he had to move on. She was left numb. Then she noticed he was on an online dating site. She had let herself go with him and then she discovers she was dating a player. How do you know when a person is a player?

There are certain people, men and women, that like to play the field. You may call these types players. What isn't play is when that person doesn't let the person they are engaging with known up front about it so that you can make an informed decision.

Underneath numbness it can feel at the least like someone splashed cold water all over the warm wonderful feelings you were beginning to have. Or more intensely, that you have been used for someone else's momentary pleasure. No one wants to have the experience of being discarded for the next attraction.

The key is to be able to get to know who someone is before you actually step into the intimate relationship. This is what historical courtship was all about. You let things develop. There was time to get to know each other. You went on outings with friends so that you could get other peoples opinion about that person for you. You would also have certain pre-set criteria that would help you discern through this process that it was clearly right for you to take the next step to engage your heart and your body.

Today with a fast paced world we live in it is very tempting when we are actively seeking a great relationship to want to jump in with two feet once one that looks nice appears at our doorstep. My recommendation is to do the opposite. Slow it down and let it cook. Trust yourself and the process and take responsibility for your emotional journey. Needy will pair you up with these types and also drive a real partner elsewhere.

Players who don't communicate who they are upfront will not want to engage for an extended period because the drama is part of their play. BTW these types don't like confidence either. So you will be able to eliminate these types very quickly by adhering to taking your time and staying confident and emotionally balanced.

If you are seeking a healthy, loving relationship...you have one trajectory which is to date leisurely, with discernment through the process, and when you see, feel, hear and know it has the foundation you are seeking fall in love and create partnership that will nourish and sustain you.

Relationship Issues: Why is Love Difficult

Why is love so difficult? Why can't it be easier to love someone?

Love in itself is not difficult. The absence of love is what is difficult. And we find ourselves in relationships where there are areas that one or both partners cannot love themselves, to value who they are authentically and value the person authentically. So that is what creates strife, stress and hardship in a relationship, that lack of truly loving oneself.

So if your relationship....your love life is stressed out, difficult, tiresome and challenging all the time. Then it's because you or your partner has not done enough work on the LOVER in yourself.
The LOVER is not just what you can do in the bedroom. The LOVER knows how to love....how to be in relationship. They know how to listen...they know how to receive the other person...they know how to support another human being. Being a LOVER also translates into the bedroom: The skills you have for being with someone else's body intimately....for being present....for being sensitive to what the other person needs.... to feel turned-on and excited....to experiment and grow.

These are ways of getting to know and to love the LOVER in oneself, which makes it so much easier to love. And, that's what makes a relationship flow and gives it ease.
What makes love difficult is when one person has decided:

This is all there is
That's all I'm willing to do
I'm not interested in knowing more
I'm not interested in giving more
I'm not interested in receiving more

So, I encourage you to focus on being a LOVER. Make that part of your daily life just like brushing your teeth, just like getting on the internet...just like doing an exercise workout. Give yourself a little bit of time whether it's ten minutes to an hour of time everyday to focus on being a LOVER. This is what's going to make love a lot more fun, a lot easier..... and the days of feeling that love is difficult will slowly pass away.

Dating Tips: Are You Moving Out Too Fast?

Are you being too hard on singles you’re dating? Have you gone out with different people and discover yourself moving out right away the minute you see something you’re not really happy with? Are you reading the signs and then moving out fast too early? Are you so afraid of wasting your time on the wrong person that you find yourself failing to give anyone the chance to get close to you?

Imagine being out on a date with a guy who used a coupon on your first date just to buy popcorn and calculated his expenses for the entire evening even before the movie starts. Would that be a deal maker or a deal breaker? Would you consider dating the same person again?

The signs are glaringly obvious right from the very beginning. When you see signs that indicate characteristics like this they will likely end up there in the long run. If the man you’re dating is using coupons for popcorn in your first date, you will have a specific reaction—positive or negative. Your reaction is valid. This is a characteristic that you may decide you are attracted to or not. Is it a characteristic of being conscious of budgeting and money (all good) to be generous to you?

There is one characteristic that you should always look for and that characteristic is generosity. It is not just generosity that comes out of the wallet, but emotional, mental, physical and spiritual generosity. An emotionally generous person is someone who is compassionate, kind, sensitive and thoughtful towards you and others. If you are attracting singles who are selfish, you should consider taking a good look at yourself. You might want to ask yourself why you are attracting these kinds of singles in the first place.

You should consider turning to your heart and asking yourself, “Am I really open to love?” It is worth asking yourself if you are guarding yourself, keeping people at arm’s length until you find someone who is worth opening yourself up to. It does not work that way. The ability to attract someone who is generous and open to love is directly proportional to your own generosity and openness as well.

Do you know that you can physically check whether your heart is open or not? Here is a quick exercise to help you out. Tune into your heart and feel it. Is it light? Does it feel open, or does it feel heavy and closed? Check your shoulders. Do they roll back or do they look forward? You should keep them back, so that love and lightness will flow through your heart. This is an exercise that will help you attract people who are also open to love and generosity and hopefully conscious and good with money too!!

See more here at Love TV.

Overcoming the Fear of Falling In Love Again

It is not unusual for some people to fear falling in love again. There are people who are wary of the emotions that come with “falling in love”. They are wary of losing control. If you are one of these people, you need to understand where the fear is coming from. Why are you afraid? What is in your way? What limiting fears or perceptions are holding you back? Do you want to be in a relationship? Are you paralyzed by your fear?

Hurt is unavoidable. Couples can hurt each other. This happens even in the very best of relationships. It is less likely to occur, however, if you have some few rules you observe right at the beginning of a relationship. These rules are simple. You just have to know them.

Know Who You Are

It is important that you know who you are and you accept – and love yourself – before you even consider entering into any relationship. You need to know who you are physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally. You need to define your needs at the very core level of each of these areas.

This way, you will know what you want in a relationship. Although it is tempting to look firstly for external qualities, particularly in the person you want to be with, you need to seek internal qualities just as much. Both will matter in the long run.

Write down your needs and look at your list until it has become a part of your consciousness. You need to be specific, so that you will be able to attract people who share a similar perspective on love and values for loving. With this met requirement it will help you overcome your fear of falling in-love or entering into another relationship.

Take Responsibility for Your Choice

Everyone has a certain level of maturity, emotional, spiritual, mental and physical. This is why you need to know what you want so that you will attract people of the similar level of development. It takes certain maturity in these areas in order to build and sustain a healthy and dynamic relationship.

When you choose someone who does not share a similar perspective on love, you will likely be confronted with issues that will hurt you or will hurt your relationship. For instance, if you are a person who wants kids, look for someone who wants kids as well. Do not think that he or she will someday change his mind.

Take responsibility for your choice. Practice discernment. In the end, it is up to you to choose the right person for you. Your fear of love and relationships is easier to overcome if you choose the right person.

Sex Tips - Ask Karinna When to Sleep Together

This week I received several questions about when is the right timing to sleep with someone. Should I sleep with him, should I not? When I sleep with him he doesn't call me. These kinds of questions. I wanted to get right to the point of when is the right time to sleep with someone.

What are you seeking out of this particular relationship? Do you just want to have a good time? Is sharing yourself with that person telling them you love them and you are ready to commit? It is very different for men and women. Women, when you sleep with someone it is like you are mated with that person. You might think that you disconnect as easily as a man but that is not the case. As soon as you share your body with a man, you feel bonded to that person. It might not necessarily be the same for the man. He may more easily be able to move on and disconnect emotionally.

There is a three step process in determining whether this is the time for you to sleep with someone.

1-how well do you know this person? Is he healthy in the context of his other relationships?

2-Have you developed a level of trust that you would be safe emotionally and physically in this situation?

3-What does it mean for you, and what does it mean for the other person to share that sexual encounter? Does it mean the same, because if it does then you are on the right track. If it doesn't mean the same then that is what is going to cause the pain, stress and confusion--

Why isn't he calling me? Why isn't he texting me?

What happened here? It's that you don't have the same context and reason for bonding with each other sexually.

I encourage you to really take this to heart. I want you to be very clear with yourself before you even get close to a sexual encounter of checking in on all three things. If you don't have them, then you know it's like throwing dice, you may get something great and you may not.

If you want a one night stand, then be okay with someone not calling you, someone not texting you again.

You need to be on the same page and that will ultimately give you what you want.

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How to Choose a Really Great Lover

How to Choose a Really Great Lover (via OM Times Magazine)

Does Internet Dating Work?

It does. Internet dating works. In truth, the Internet is one of the most popular places to look for love. “1 in 5 singles is currently in a committed relationship with someone they met on a dating site,” states Dating Site Reviews. In fact, more and more couples are meeting online. With the opening of numerous online dating avenues, it is not surprising that people are turning to the Internet to look for their true love.

Online dating does work. There are significant number of people, from all ages, who have met online and are now enjoying being in long-term relationships. Many of these people have gotten married and are really happy together. Admittedly, there are online dating sites that seem “creepy” to some, so it is a good idea to look for reputable dating sites before one creates his online dating profile.

Perfect Match and e-Harmony are just a couple of reputable online sites that you can check out. There are other online sites that are just as reputable and effective in finding people their love matches. Sacred Love, for one, utilizes essential matching points in order to determine if a member is a qualified match for another member. You will be able to determine if another member is your emotional, physical, mental or spiritual match before you even actually meet this person. It is important that you ask questions in these areas, so you will get an initial “read” of the person before you actually set up a date.

Of course, aside from online dating, there are other ways to meet people. Do not give up easily on these other avenues. For instance, you can ask your friends if they know anyone they can set you up with for a date. Your friends can invite this person over for dinner and the other party along with other friends.

You can also create a “singles night” and have single friends come over. They should invite two other single friends of the opposite sex and you can all enjoy drinks and appetizers as you socialize and get to know one another. A singles night can introduce you to a lot of new people. You can also help your single friends meet other people – and perhaps, even meet their true love. Your friends generally share the same value system and they will likely attract like-minded individuals. You have better chances of meeting people who share the same values.

Don’t turn your nose up at singles activity. Join clubs with members who are single. You can join a hiking club or a business club. You can take up ballroom dancing, hiking or yoga. These are just a few of the things that you can do in order to find singles. Does Internet dating work? Yes, it is a good way to look for your special someone.

New Year in Love 2012

Today I want to speak to you about your New Year in Love

What is it going to look like? What is it going to feel like? What is the experience going to be like for you? This is the perfect moment to choose... a perfect moment to start a new love life for yourself.

How would you do that? I would suggest creating a vision and I encourage you to Vision Big.

You can create a vision of love based on your deepest inner knowing of what the experience could be like for you! How would you express your love? How would you express your intellect and your spirit and your physicality?

So to craft your new vision for 2012 I want to encourage you to utilize multimedia. If you are inspired by art create a vision board. It could be out of any material or medium that you so choose. If you are business oriented person make a PowerPoint of your vision for love of in 2012. If you're a musician or musical play your guitar, drums or sing to add your talent into your vision for love in 2012.

Whatever way you choose to express yourself, really create a vision that you can grow into, that you can become more of yourself by experiencing.

Now one thing in making a vision and another in Creating the Reality of that Vision.

You Create Your Vision by keeping it as a Vigil... coming back to it, listening to it, looking at it, reading it... again and again until it becomes real. And as thing start to manifest into reality you check them off or you circle them or you draw a big smiley face on that part of the vision that is actually occurring! So you can hold your vision accountable! You can measure it!!

Now a vision will not work, even if you put the vision together, the music together or the journal together. It will not work if you keep spending your time focusing on what isn't right or what hasn't happened, what your past experiences have been like that were unfulfilling. If you keep your mind in that place, your emotions in that place this new vision cannot take root. It takes incredible discipline to be vigilant about your vision but I know that it is possible for you!!

And I want to encourage you to really go for it this year. For a New Year in Love create a vision and keep it vigil.

For some help with getting started with your New Vision in Love that will work for singles as well as couples check this out.

Happy New Year and New Love! from www.sacredlove.com

Love Magic

Dear Karinna

I met a man on a dating site that I had instant chemistry with. He texted, emailed and sent me flowers. No man has ever wanted me that bad. I slowly gave in and fell deeply in love. We dated for four months and then had our first disagreement. Then he pretty much broke up with me. I am devastated and I want him back. Should I bother or not?

C


C

This is a really, really big life decision, love decision.

There are two schools of thought.

1- Love What Is…really embrace where you are right now. Still love him. Love and acknowledge him. But as he has wanted to move away from you, you let him go. And you just allow what wants to occur. Whether that be new energy coming in for you that is loving, or maybe he will reflect and come back to you.

This is the way of flow. This is the way of ease. It is actually a Light Path.

2- Then there is another school of thought that is Fight for What You Want. Fight for this love. Get back in there and let this man know how much you really want to be in relationship with him. Fight for what you have that you know that it is real. You can get through things. This one obstacle is not the end of your love. It is actually the beginning of how well you can open up and grow and maybe develop each of your skills that would support you in loving even more. You may have to go to therapy but you get in there and you fight for what you want.

This is a Denser Path. Because you don’t know if one fight will end up being multiple fights and you never feel like you get out of the ring. That is a valid path. Each one of them are valid paths.

I want to leave you with this. Magic occurs for us when we follow the energy that brings us life, that brings us vitality, that brings us excitement. That allows us to be more of who we really are. Magic doesn’t occur for us when we do things that drain us, that exhaust us, that demand, over and over, that we do things that are difficult.

I want you to have a Magical Experience in love so I encourage you to follow the energy that will energize, revitalize, make you feel more that who you were in the beginning, make you feel more of yourself, more fully fulfilled.

And don’t follow the energy that drains you, that frustrates you, that exhausts you, and makes you feel less confident, less supported, less loved. You want to leave that behind.

I am not sure what that path is for you but there is a true path for you that will lead you to real relationship magic.

Choose Magic.

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Lovemaking Ritual for the Holidays

I would like to take time over the holiday to have really great lovemaking what would you suggest?

Abbreviated Answer (see video for more)

My suggestion is...

Holiday Inspired Ritual Lovemaking

1. Make Time and Space
2. Light a fire in a fireplace, with candles
3. Play Sexy Holiday Music
4. Warm Oils to Massage
5. Then Give the gift to each other of New Intimate Exploration

• Such as Making Chinese Sex Tonics together
• Uncovering Egyptian Cat Foreplay inspired by your power cat
• Or trying the 6500 year old sex ritual hieros gamos-reenact this ritual lovemaking as a high priestess and king.

Find out more inspired lovemaking techniques and step by step details of these suggestions for a gift to you and your loved one over the holiday here.

Relationship Advice and Dating Tips Ask Karinna: Back in the Scene

“I have just recently divorced. The last 7 years of marriage have been terrible. I was living with a very immature control freak. Now I just want to move on and meet someone new. How can I get back in the scene again?” ~ C

I'm really sorry that you had such a terrible experience your last seven years of marriage. What I want to say to you is that number one to get back in the scene again you have to leave the baggage behind. You don't want to walk into the dating scene carrying a heavy weight on your shoulders ... that is your old relationship story ....your old experience being with a control freak. You need to get very, very clear about how that relationship served you. What did you learn from it? How were you inspired to become someone different from it? What did being with someone controlling and being in a terrible relationship teach you? Come out with the gold. Come out with the gifts.

That is the starting point for you for getting back into the dating scene.

So once you have that clarity and you come in fresh with all this new knowledge, al this new insight and all this empowerment then secondly you need a relationship makeover meaning discovering who you are as a lover today. You are different than the lover who entered into that relationship all those years ago.

Discover who she is, who she is emotionally? What does she need? What can she give physically mentally and spiritually?

Cultivate ...get into that great experience of cultivation and nurturing the lover in you. That is going to be very attractive to a new person.

The makeup and the wardrobe come after you have actually made over the lover within yourself. Do both. Enjoy the process. And come fresh, refreshed for love.

Thirdly I suggest trying Sacred Love Dating. You can find someone great to interact with and perhaps to start a relationship with. It is available nationally in the United States as well as UK. So you can choose. It is a great way to get back out there and start to connect but come without the baggage and come as a new lover.

Love Advice Ask Karinna: Dating Disappearance

Dating Disappearance

Today I'm going to answer a question that I get all the time about disappearing. Often in the dating process one person disappears.

They may disappear once for 48 or 72 hours. They may disappear for a couple of weeks or they may disappear altogether. This creates incredible distress, hurt, confusion and pain. It has become a chronic issue over the last 10 years.

One of the core fundamental reasons it happens is because we have become so reliant on technology to communicate through. We very rarely use the telephone and even more rarely do we wait until we see each other to communicate. So these quick sound bites in communication either through texting or e-mail or even skype chat can be confused for a real conversation.

We have also become very quick to disconnect. For the person this is happening to, they actually start to feel disposable.

There is a portion of people who disappear that just feel overwhelmed, and they can't manage every single thing in their life and so they manage by just not communicating, just dropping the conversation. It is a really, really bad habit.

While everything cannot be a priority in your life, people must be priorities. It doesn't matter if this is a person that you just started dating or someone you have developed a relationship with for 3 months or someone that you've been involved with for years.

Another portion of people that disappear are very self centered. And basically highly value their own experience over someone else's. It is a statement about skill level of that person as a partner, where they’re interest lies and the value that they place on relationships in the personal arena.

I really recommend that you take a long look at your relationships and where you can step up in your communication.

This frees up energy for both people to move on. When you don't communicate, when you don't respect the other person, when you don't close the circle, it leaves so much energy hanging. And it does create a lot more animosity, a field of conflict and ultimately gives you a bad rap!

For those people who are experiencing disappearances in their love life I recommend that any time you even sense that it is occurring…. you name it ….you call it for what it is …..and you communicate that you are not going to accept that kind of behavior. It is not on the level of which you want to be in a relationship.

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