It is a probability that most of us have been touched by the hurt of betrayal or abandonment in an intimate relationship, whether by a parent, lover, friend, wife, or husband.
On the cover of
tabloids we see stories daily of people cheating on one another and leaving
long-term relationships for someone new. These popular negative messages and
familiar experiences can make anyone feel pessimistic about love and become
fearful if there really is a relationship that could be worthy of their trust.
Trustworthy
relationships do exist and in them we find both individuals and relationships
that are thriving. But how does one go about finding and experiencing a trusting,
intimate relationship?
Creating a trustworthy relationship can be accomplished with the
following steps:
Piercing Through the Veil of the First Intoxication
Our eyes can be
blinded by love. In a cloud of initial admiration we can get swept away in just
the possibility of love. The intoxication of this experience is powerful, and
for the moments we are in it we can feel like life is at its best. In these
moments we can project all of our dreams onto the person we desire. And whether
this individual is able to or not, they become pinned as the highway to our
happiness and fulfillment.
Attraction to one
or several qualities in another can be immediate; however, it is important to
regard what lies beneath the initial appeal.
Trust Our Own Knowing
Intuition can be
one of our greatest allies when seeking an intimate relationship that is worthy
of our trust. First intuitions can be right and often we forget them quickly.
Trust your own
knowing of what feels right to you and what doesn't. Don't be afraid to
question your perceptions. You will most often find out that there is validity
to your hunches.
Present Discernment
Seeing clearly what
is right in front of us is an important skill for creating an intimate relationship
that we can trust.
Many of us have
found ourselves falling into that well intended pitfall of seeing the potential
in someone. Our projections of someone can leave us living in the hope of the
future and illusions instead of trusting what is present right now.
Figuring out who we
can trust can be difficult when we ourselves are challenged with being
blind-sighted. For instance, we might be kept from seeing someone's potential
(or limitations) as an emotionally committed partner if he or she has a hard
time communicating their affectionate and love to us or can't keep their eyes
and hands off other people. Another example would be banking solely on the
potential in an individual's worldly success if he or she were not already
committed to a path of success in their lives.
People are capable
of amazing feats of change, especially when they are committed to
self-reflection and growth. However, awareness and discernment of what values,
strengths, patterns, pursuits and actions are present within a person in the
present moment will more accurately define who that person is and will become.
By taking our
rose-colored glasses off and taking a good thorough look at what is right in
front of us we are more capable of gauging a person we can trust.
Act with Integrity
If you seek a trustworthy
intimate partner, be the person you wish to be in relationship with. Speak
honestly, keep your word, and act with integrity with yourself and the person
you love as well as with other people.
It is important to
resource ourselves with real nourishment, self-love, exercise, spiritual
wisdom, and also with healthy foods, thoughts, and activities. If we do not
fill ourselves with real nourishment we come to a relationship from a place of
emptiness. Emptiness produces wanting and neediness that creates a variety of
behaviors that push away what we really want in a loving, trusting, healthy
relationship.
For instance,
emotional neediness can alienate a potentially wonderful intimate partner and
good friend. Physical wanting can turn into provoking the sexual attention of
your coworkers, flirting with your friend's partners, and having indiscriminant
sex. These behaviors are signs of emptiness and a lack of self-love that
produces distrust of your character and the opposite of what you really desire.
Take care of
yourself so that your inner being is harmonious and integrated.
Overcoming Hurt
If you have been
hurt by an untrustworthy partner it is hard to want to trust again or to fully
commit to being trustworthy yourself, however that just creates a pattern of
disharmony and untrustworthiness in your life. Even though it may be
challenging, create a trustworthy identity through your words and actions that
will develop more trust in yourself and draw more trust into your life.
Surround Yourself with Trustworthy People
Take the time to
assess the people in your life and be honest with yourself if each friend and
close relationship that you have surrounded yourself with acts with
trustworthiness.
By analyzing your
relationships you will see how much trust is already in your life and where you
need to create more. Creating a support system of trustworthy people will help
you cultivate better discernment for developing a trustworthy, intimate
relationship.
Trusting Relationship
If you are seeking
a loving relationship that you can trust, you must make decisions more
thoughtfully, more wisely, with deeper connectivity to your intuition rather
than your hormones or mental rational. Be clear about what is present in a
prospective partner and relationship, act with trustworthiness and integrity,
and surround yourself with people you can trust.
Developing trust
more fully allows us the opportunity to experience feeling safe in loving
relationships. Then we can begin to open our hearts, relax our bodies, and
share our dreams to our greatest ability with a partner truly worthy of our
trust.
