Sure Ways to be Irresistible to Men

by Sabrina Alexis

Being irresistible to men isn’t about playing games, manipulation, or forcing yourself to be someone you’re not. It’s not about what you wear or achieving a certain beauty look.

Being the kind of girl who intrigues a man to the point of real interest, and interests a man to the point where he is eager to commit, starts from within and then radiates outward. It’s important to have an awareness of what it is men want and also an understanding of why developing these traits will not only help you in dating and relationships, but will make your life better overall.

Over the years, I’ve analyzed and interviewed countless men. Through my research, I’ve discovered five traits that men across the board find irresistible in a woman. Learning what they are will help you attract the right guy if you’re single, and will help you re-ignite the spark if you’re already in a relationship.

Here they are:

1. Be Confident

This one is the winner every time. Guys want a confident, happy woman. A woman who loves herself, knows her worth, and knows she can get what she wants in this world.

Healthy self-esteem is a prerequisite for healthy relationships. It gives you the confidence to choose who to be with and to believe someone worthwhile will want to be with you.

If you have low self-esteem, make it a priority to work on this. Learn to find more joy and meaning in your life. Until you get there, act like someone with high self-esteem. This means not being jealous of other people, not needing guys to validate you, not putting yourself down and complaining about your life.

Try to maintain a vision of who you want to be, and what confidence looks like, and try to act accordingly.

2. Be a Mystery 

The only way to turn attraction into passion is to insert your way into a man’s thoughts. This doesn’t mean wearing something revealing so he’s picturing you naked while talking to you. It means making a strong impression, one that leaves him unable to stop thinking about you for days.

The best way to do this is to be a little mysterious. Be vague with the stories you tell him, this will cause him to ask more questions about you which will build intrigue. And don’t feel the need to tell him everything about yourself, just drop some clues and let him figure it out. The human mind loves to fill in missing gaps. A good way to monitor yourself is to only reveal as much as he reveals to you.
Being a mystery does not mean acting cold or bitchy. It means you only show him certain sides of yourself to start. The best way to start things off is to show him you’re a happy, confident, fun girl.

These are qualities every guys wants in a woman so he will immediately be drawn to you.

Also, don’t be too obvious with your level of interest. Give him just enough so he knows he has a chance, but not so much that he considers it a sure thing.

Studies have shown that we are most attracted to people when we don’t know exactly how they feel about us. If he knows exactly where you stand he’ll get bored and move on. If he knows he doesn’t have a chance, he won’t want to bother. If he thinks he might have a chance,  you’ll have his full attention.

3. Be Easy to be Around- No Drama

Men like their lives to be easy and pleasant, no muss no fuss. The biggest turn off to a guy is a drama queen who makes mountains out of every molehill.

The way guys  see it, they have enough stress in their lives as is and a relationship should be an escape from that.

If you’re cool and easy to be around, men will want to be around you!

Smile, relax, don’t over think or overanalyze. If you can take a more easygoing approach to relationships (and life in general), then suddenly, and without much effort, things will start to work out how you want them to.

4. Embrace Your Femininity

Most men want to feel like the man. The best way to encourage this is to embrace your femininity.

Tap into your soft, gentle, graceful side, we all have it in is somewhere.

I know today’s society encourages women to be bold, tough, and aggressive. I’m not saying you shouldn’t be a strong woman, I’m just saying to temper this out a bit by not neglecting your femininity.

Men want to be the providers, they want to feel like the man. If you dress like a girl, act like a girl, and let him take care of you a bit, you’ll tap into a deep fundamental need of his and he won’t want to let you go.

5. Have Your Own Life

A man’s greatest fear is losing his freedom and being trapped in a relationship. Men pick up on how much you need them and instantly feel pressured and back off.

If you have your own life (and maintain the life you had before the relationship once you’re in it), he won’t feel this pressure and will give more of himself to you.

No matter what stage of a relationship you’re in, it’s essential to remain passionate about your life and to never stop setting goals for yourself and pursuing your dreams. A relationship isn’t an final destination. It’s part of the journey that can help you reach your potential and get exactly what it is you want out of life.


Original Article: anewmode.com

The Difference Between True Love and Love Addiction

by Vironika Tugaleva

“We often say ‘love’ when we really mean, and are acting out, an addiction—a sterile, ingrown dependency relationship, with another person serving as the object of our need for security.” ~Stanton Peele

When I was sixteen, I fell in love. At least I thought I did. I had all the symptoms—quickened pulse, butterflies, and a head so full of him that all my pain and all my problems magically disappeared when we were together.

I called this love.

And why wouldn’t I? Why wouldn’t any young girl? Isn’t that what love is—when you can’t live without each other, when you can’t think about anything else, when it hurts to be apart?

Up until that first relationship, I’d already been through about a dozen different relationships with a dozen different people.

My first whirlwind romance was with a boy named Andrei in the first grade of Regional School #17 in Donetsk, Ukraine. I remember when he got up during naptime and, with a mischievous look on his face, peed all over the carpet. So rebellious, I sighed.

My romance with Andrei ended when we got on the plane to Toronto. I cried. I cried for the country I was leaving, for the friends I left behind, and I cried for Andrei. Andrei who had never spoken to me or held my hand. Andrei who was just a character inside a story in my mind.

One day, my eight-year-old self thought through her thick tears, I’ll love again.

After I got to Canada, I got into a very complicated, semi-violent relationship with Eminem. When it looked like he was getting back together with his ex wife (which broke my heart, obviously), I went on to Nathan, who was two grades above me at school, who had bleach blonde hair, just like Eminem. He was a rebound.

Neither of them ever knew I existed.

I couldn’t approach Nathan or any other boy I liked, but I knew what I had to do. By this time, I’d watched enough television to know—I was too ugly for a boyfriend. Too fat. And what was this cellulite? These pimples? These stretch marks? The girls with boyfriends didn’t have that—not the ones on TV and not the ones in my school.

I started wearing makeup in grade six. I still remember someone asking me why I had weird beige stuff on my eyebrows. My face turned red (or, as red as it could turn underneath the concealer cream that I’d literally just spread all over my entire face).

I just want to be pretty. I just want a boy to like me.

As my hormones raged hard, and my social anxiety raged harder, I started having relationships with guys on the Internet. It seemed like a step in the right direction. At least these were real people talking to me.

But that didn’t work and that got dangerous. I went back to making up relationships in my head.

All I wanted was a real boy. A real-life boy to call my own.

I’ll have to work extra hard to get him, I thought.

By the time I got to high school, I’d tried a handful of different crash diets and, soon enough, every moment of my day was devoted to maintaining 400 calories a day and exercising them all off.

I was exhausted. I weighed less. In the mirror, I looked no different.

When am I going to feel pretty? When will I fall in love?

And, one day, it happened. He was in my grade ten math class. I asked him for batteries. Since his Discman could have been considered an extra limb, it seemed like a safe bet. And it was.

One year later, we were inseparable. I thought it was finally happening. The relationship of my dreams was finally coming true.

I knew, at the time, that it was love because every time we were around each other, my head was clear. All the rest of the time, I was obsessing about my calorie intake and my skin. Around him, there was only him—nothing else.

With him, I felt euphoria. With him, I felt safe. With him, I felt alive. With him, I felt pretty.

How could I live without that?

And, soon enough, I couldn’t. The moments without him became torture as the inner voices screaming criticisms that echoed through each part of my psyche became louder and angrier from being suppressed. The moments with him became riddled with anxiety about when we’d next have to be apart.

I was hooked.

I called this love.

As the novelty wore off and real life set in, I couldn’t bear to lose that feeling. I came apart at the seams. And, in my mind, it was all his fault.

My journals from that time are filled with questions scribbled with ferocious pain on tear-stained pages.

Why doesn’t he love me anymore? Why can’t things feel like they used to? Why does love hurt so much?

No matter what he tried to do to make me happy, it wasn’t enough. Nothing was enough.

I was hooked on a feeling of euphoria that drowned out my inner demons and, after a while, he no longer produced that feeling. He couldn’t give me what I wanted, because I didn’t want him. I wanted a feeling that the novelty of obsession in human form had brought me.

I was so full of anger, so full of rage at him for not loving me. It wasn’t until I had a breakdown and almost killed myself four years after we broke up, the demons in my head having become so powerful that I had to learn to accept myself or die, that I realized it wasn’t him that didn’t love. It was me.

I didn’t love him, because I didn’t love myself. I didn’t love him, because that’s not love. Needing someone, using them to get away from your problems, acclimatizing to the good feelings so you need more and more, becoming psychotic when they’re away—that’s not love. That’s addiction.

I used him and abused him, like a drug, and when he couldn’t give me the feelings I was addicted to, I threw him away. He was a character in my fairy tale, an idea in my head, just like the others who came before him. There was no room for him to be a human being, because I didn’t give myself that room.

The more I’ve learned to love myself, stretch marks and all, the more I’ve been able to love other people, to forgive those who hurt me, to support my current partner through his light and his darkness.

When I gave myself the room to be imperfect, to be a human being, I could give other people that room. And, in that newly created space, the feeling of love has crept in and permeated each moment.

I’ve learned the hard way that love isn’t something we get from other people. It’s not even a feeling.

Love is a kind of awareness we have about ourselves, about people, about life.

Love is when we see ourselves and others for what we are, not what we think we should be. Love is when we stop trying to protect ourselves and open up to what’s here—the pain, the joy, the beauty, the darkness, everything.

Love is a decision to be open and stay open, to receive the beauty of what’s all around us instead of pushing fake beauty down our throats.

Love is a way of life, a state of mind.

It’s taken me a while to forgive myself for not knowing better all those years ago, for hurting the boy I thought I loved. While I can’t take back what I’ve done, I can do my best to share what I’ve learned so that it might help feed that love hunger in the world that used to torment me, that led me to torment other people.

And I can hope that whatever self-protective shields my ex built up from our messy romance are now disassembled. I hope that he’s found a way to let go, to be free, to open back up and learn to trust again, against all odds.


And I hope that you—no matter if you’re single or in a relationship, no matter if you’ve been hurt once or twenty times—I hope that you take that plunge into this moment, into the beauty and the suffering, even if it hurts, just one more time. And know, this is what true love is all about.

Originally appeared in tinybudhha.com

11 Things Men Want From You But Will Never Tell You ...

by Alicia Fannin

There are things men want from you but will never tell you that they do. I honestly don’t know why they don’t communicate their needs more clearly; it would certainly make things easier if they did. I think part of the reason they don’t is that they don’t think we need to be told. They really believe we know these things about them but sometimes we just don’t. Let’s talk about the things men want from you but will never tell you.

1. RESPECT

Through much reading and research, I have learned that men desperately want respect from the woman in their life. If you are in doubt of this, ask your guy and see what his response is. This is one of the most important things men want from you but will never tell you. So, what does it really mean to give a guy respect? Simply put, it means that you give their thoughts, ideas, actions and feelings merit. It means that you think that he is important and you show it with your actions.

2. ADMIRATION

Going hand in hand with respect is admiration. Guys typically love admiration, but there is a catch to this. It has to be sincere for it to work. Guys seem to have a radar to catch any insincere compliment you give them. But as long as you are telling him something you genuinely appreciate about him, he will be very pleased to hear it.

3. COMPANIONSHIP

Men like the companionship of the woman they care about. He may want you to come along when he golfs a Saturday morning game or just join him on the couch when he watches his favorite television show. The point is, he likes having you around and that is a really great thing. Sure, he needs his guy time but he likes spending time with you, too. So take advantage of that fact and find some ways you can spend more time with him.

4. ARM CANDY

Men appreciate when the woman in their life takes time to look her best. You don’t have to be a supermodel for him to be happy. Just putting some effort out there to look your best is enough and you can trust that you will look great in his eyes when you do. Take a little time to apply some makeup and fix your hair before you see each other. Wear something he likes to see you in and watch when he notices the effort you made.

5. A PLEASANT TONE OF VOICE

Men appreciate a pleasant tone of voice with the woman they are in a relationship with, and really, don’t we all? All of us appreciate a nice, friendly tone of voice. Of course, you won’t have a pleasant tone of voice all the time unless you are a Stepford Wife, but it is something you can try to work on. In fact, it is something that we can work on with everyone in our life. People respond much better to one another when they are speaking and hearing a kind tone of voice.

6. ENCOURAGEMENT

Men like and need encouragement. They like to know that the woman they love is in their corner, cheering them on. Your belief in them is important. They think that if you believe in them then surely they can accomplish whatever obstacles they are up against in their life. In return, you will find they are always in your corner.

7. APPRECIATION

Men like to be appreciated and it doesn’t take a lot to express this. A simple ‘thank you’ accompanied by a sweet smile can go far in showing you appreciate whatever it is they are doing for you. Maybe your guy took you out for a nice dinner or took care of some maintenance on your car. Whatever it is he is doing for you, appreciating the act will endear you to him. You will probably find that he wants to do more for you when you appreciate his efforts.

8. RECOGNITION

Sometimes, men have to play many different roles and they do a lot for their friends and families. Take time to mention these things to the man in your life so he knows that you recognize what a good son, brother, friend, boyfriend, husband or father he is. Men rarely get recognized for all that they do for others and he's sure to appreciate the recognition.

9. INDEPENDENCE

Men love their independence. This doesn't mean that they want to be left alone all of the time, but they do like to be able to do things on their own without having to check in or be made to feel guilty. Remember to give your guy time on his own to hang out with his friends or just have some alone time.

10. SUPPORT

We all need a good support network and men are no different. When your guy says he's going to try completing a triathlon or try to get promoted at work, support his efforts. Let him know that you're behind him all the way and no matter how far fetched the goal might seem to you, if it's important to your guy, he wants it to be important to you, too.

11. DESIRED

Even if you think he knows you want him, show him anyway! Men want to feel desired and when he doesn't feel wanted by you, it can get to his confidence. Flirt with him, let him know that you're excited by him and that you feel lucky to be with him!

Now it’s your turn to share with me. What have you found the man in your life needs the most from you? I can’t wait to read your responses!

Original Article: love.allwomenstalk.com

14 Ways to Add Spice to Your Marriage

In a research it was found that maximum love life of a couple is only 30 months. After this period marriage life becomes a routine and a habit. Thrill and romance vanish out of it. And to rekindle the old feelings certain steps must be taken. In brief if you want to keep your marriage life sexy and spicy you need to act upon the following tips.

1. Saying I Love You should never be boring

As the time passes both husband and wife get busy with the demands of their life and start forgetting how they tried to woo and impress each other in the beginning period of their courtship. They also forget to say ‘I love you’ to each other. These three words are a wonderful way to keep the old feelings alive to some extent.

2. Repeated Kiss Attack

It means kissing your partner when it is least expected. Kiss vigorously even if your partner becomes angry. Don’t be too nice every time otherwise spice will be out of your life. Sudden kisses excite the feelings and enthuse the mind. Just try. It will become excellent tonic for your love life.

3. Renewing your Romance

Take a pledge that you will never allow the romance of your life die. Be romantic with your beloved one till the last breath of life. Old-fashioned romance still has value. Bring flowers, buy a gift, go out for dinner, go for a romantic ride, watch a movie, cook together – there are dozens of ways which can keep your heart mesmerizing.

4. Eating Together

Never eat alone unless your profession compels you. Try your best to adjust your timings in such a way that you are able to eat with each other more often. It helps to keep the bond strong. Now and then also plan to eat outside, in a restaurant or hotel.

5. Fun of Picnics

Going out for fun definitely adds spice to your love life. Picnic is one of the best ways to throw away your daily worries and relax. It also peps up the sex hunger and brings you closer physically as well as mentally.

6. Be Friends of each other

Don’t always treat each other like husband and wife. It becomes a boring routine. Sometimes it is necessary to sit and discuss like friends. Share views on various topics and have healthy debates. Life then certainly becomes more enjoyable.

7. Be somewhat mysterious

In spite of being good friends a touch of mystery in the relations adds thrill to it. Never talk like children – always speaking whatever is there in your heart. Now and then keep silence, talk less and study books or watch TV alone. It will improve the quality of your relations.

8. Cooperation at Home

If you think that by making your partner work like a machine at home won’t kill sex and spice between relationships then you are mistaken. You need to be cooperative at home. Cook, clean and wash with your partner. When you share the household work-load you bring new joys in the relationship. It enhances your image in the mind of your partner. You become more attractive.

9. Sharing Responsibilities

Other responsibilities of life like earning, taking care of children, social commitments etc. should also be shared whole-heartedly. With this way both of you not only be free from resentments but also respect each other more.

10. Give some breathing space

If you are each other’s neck always it may prove dangerous. Giving breathing space to each other is absolutely essential to maintain the tempo of romance and sexual thrill. Allow each other to meet friends, attend meetings, pursue individual hobbies. Never try to be dictator and kill your own relationship.

11. Assertiveness is a virtue

A good relationship never means that you should agree to each other’s point always. Be assertive and express your feelings. Do say what is your point of view in a certain matter. With this habit, instead of marring, you develop your relationship further.

12. Quarreling adds spice

Yes, quarreling now and then is certainly healthy to invoke the thrilling romance. While being assertive you may get angry with each other. It is ok. Don’t talk or come near each other for some time, even for a day or two. But don’t let this situation take a serious turn. After a bout of tiff it is time to woo or kiss your partner. The end of the quarrel will certainly be thrilling and fulfilling.

13. Visiting different places

Traveling always renews your life and relationships. Like enthusiastic children you share the fun of visiting new places. It has been found that traveling together often makes a couple sexually exciting. And they may have the bliss of physical intimacy at different places and in different way.

14. Give Variety to Physical Relations

Having physical relations at the same place and in the same way reduces the spice. After a certain period you even start losing your libido. Your partner also seems no more interested. The solution is to do it in a different way, position and at a different place. It may be in the bedroom, in the kitchen, in the bathroom, on the roof under the light of stars, even in the balcony of your house or in the park. But be careful you are not seen either by your neighbor or your children.

Original Article: anandrahi.com

Best Foods to Increase Your Sex Drive

by Sarah Barns

Avocados, eggs, watermelon, oysters: Top 10 libido-boosting foods

WANT to improve your performance in the bedroom? Eat your way to a better sex life with these passion-inducing foods

There are a number of reasons why your sex life may have lost it's sizzle but you can help put the va-va-voom back into the bedroom with these lust-inducing foods. 

Leading sex toy company We-Vibe reveals what you should be munching down at dinner to put that spark back into your libido. 

AVOCADOS

The name for this South American fruit derives from the Aztec language Nahuatl, in which it meant "testicle" – a name chosen for the fruit’s unusual shape.

It may seem like a bit of a stretch to us, but avocadoes do have some sexy benefits. They are rich in unsaturated fats, making them very heart-healthy.

And a healthy heart keeps the blood flowing to all the right places. Men with underlying heart disease are twice as likely to suffer from erectile dysfunction, so feel free to add some extra avocado slices to your salads.

ALMONDS

These healthy nuts are said to act as a sexual stimulant and a fertility aid, so if you’re trying for a baby, start snacking.

They are rich in nutrients and in several minerals that are important for sexual health and reproduction, including zinc, selenium, and vitamin E. Zinc can also help enhance sexual desire.

STRAWBERRIES

Don’t forget to bring this mouth-watering dessert on your next picnic.

Strawberries are an excellent source of vitamin B, which has been linked to high sperm counts in men.

Go one step further and coat them in chocolate, as it is full of libido-boosting methylxanthines. 

FIGS

These small fruits pack some big benefits. They are bursting with calcium, iron, potassium, and more of that stimulating zinc.

They are also packed with fibre, which boosts heart health and satisfies hunger without adding to your waistline.

EGGS

Poached, scrambled or fried, eggs are sure to rev you up after a long day at work.

They are full of protein, which keeps you going without packing on the calories.

They're also an excellent source of amino acids, which combat certain types of heart ailments as well as erectile dysfunction.

OYSTERS

The classic aphrodisiac! Research conducted by the American Chemical Society showed that oysters contain compounds that raise testosterone and oestrogen levels.

This hormone boost can translate into heightened sexual desire and stamina. These slimy creatures are another source of zinc to help aid blood flow to the genitals in both genders. 

NUTS AND SEEDS

A very easy addition to any salad that can have your sex life rocketing from luke-warm to hot hot.

Cashews and almonds are full of zinc, whilst walnuts are high in omega-3. This may make you instantly think of fish but the essential fatty acids found in omega-3 help with sexual response by raising dopamine levels in the brain that trigger arousal. They’re also important for energy, memory, mood, and libido.

WATERMELON

The nutrient citrulline, found in watermelons can have a Viagra-like effect on the body as it boosts nitric oxide which relaxes the blood vessels.

This is the same effect that Viagra has to treat erectile dysfunction. 

BLACK RASPBERRIES

We used to enjoy picking them off the bushes when we were younger and now these berries can keep bedroom boredom at bay. This phytochemical-rich food enhances both libido and sexual endurance.

GINSENG TEA

Consuming too much coffee on a regular basis leads to over-stimulation of the adrenal glands, flooding the body with hormones normally produced in times of stress.

These hormones negatively impact libido and sexual performance. As an alternative, try ginseng tea which contains the ginsenoside compound that increases sexual satisfaction and can prevent erectile dysfunction.

Original Article: express.co.uk

10 Ways to Be More Intimate with Your Lover

by Jennifer Chowdhury

Honesty and communication make up the foundation for a healthy relationship. But, what exactly does it take to achieve these things? According to certified Sexologist Jaiya Hanauer, there are 10 important ways to build intimacy and make a deeper connection with your partner.

1. MAKING EYE CONTACT
The eyes are the doorways to a connected sex life. Although it may feel a little funny at first, making eye contact during sex tells your partner that all your attention is on him. It builds trust, which ultimately leads to a stronger sexual and emotional bond.

2. TOUCHING
Touching each other throughout the day builds longing for each other. Massaging, stroking, and caressing all produces oxytocin, which is the bonding chemical. To build a deeper connection, try touching each other without having sex. Build up the tension for a few days to make your next intimate an explosive encounter.

3. BREATHING
We do it automatically everyday but most of us don't realize that breathing is a way to heighten pleasure and arousal. When you breathe deeper, you bring more oxygen into the body, which allows you to be aroused at greater heights. Alternating your breath as you breathe into each other's mouths is an intimate exercise that has been used in ancient traditions as a way to share the soul.

4. EXPLICIT TALK
The simple act of sending a sweet text message or complimenting your lover can send blood rushing into the genitals. Not only does it build anticipation, but will also keep your partner thinking about you all day.

5. SETTING THE SCENE
Nothing breaks the mood like cell phones blaring and clutter all over your bedroom. Set the scene for intimacy with sensual music, candles, clean sheets and a shift in environment. Don't limit intimacy to the bedroom only, you can also create a stage for an encore performance in the living room or kitchen. Think of sex as a theatrical piece—you need the right lighting, right mood and sets. Stimulating your creativity as you prepare actually stimulates the sexual drive.

6. DOING SOMETHING EXTRAORDINARY
Taking the time out to do things for your lover that shows that you care and respect his feelings is very important. Plan to go to his favorite restaurant, run a simple errand for him or cook him an exquisite meal. Doing something for him out of the blue will surely increase the love he has for you.

7. TRYING SOMETHING NEW
Many couples get into patterns when it comes to sex. To break free of the bedroom doldrums, do something adventurous. Take a class together at a sex boutique, go skydiving or do something else that you have never done in bed before, but have always wanted to try.

8. SENSUAL FEATS
Creating a romantic dinner together with specific foods can actually form deeper bonds. Chocolate, for example, contains the chemical Phenethylamine (PEA) which is responsible for the feeling of being in love. Avocados boost both the male and female libido.

9. ROLE PLAYING
Using your imagination always gives a great boost to your sex life. If you consciously take on a fantasy role in the bedroom, the level of intimacy is heightened when you come back to your more traditional roles in the relationship. Try role-playing as an erotic masseuse and client or as a captor and captive.

10. ALLOWING YOURSELF TO BE VULNERABLE
In today's world, women are becoming stronger than ever and it takes a lot to let down our guards, especially if we've been hurt before. But, letting the walls around you melt and allowing your partner to penetrate you emotionally and physically are some of the best things you can do in a relationship. Share your deepest feelings with him and allow him to get to know all the different facets of your personality.


Original Article: sheknows.com

Keep Bad Sex from Ruining a Good Relationship

by Flannery Dean

Photo: Getty Images

Just as great sex can prolong an unhealthy relationship, bad or unsatisfactory sex can sadly torpedo a good one. However, that doesn’t have to be the case.

Where there is love, respect, and an equal amount of self-awareness and good humour, there too, exists the possibility of sizzling clinches and tender intimacies.

To get more of the latter, here are five ways to put the snap, crackle and pop back into a committed sexual relationship that’s gone soggy.

1. Bad sex is a warning light not a STOP sign
Unsatisfactory sex is indeed a sign that something’s wrong in a relationship — but maybe not as much as you think…or feel. Unfortunately, bad sex can sometimes loom very large, overshadowing other positives in a partnership.

“There is an oft-repeated saying in the realm of sex therapy that when sex is satisfactory it is an important component of a relationship — adding about 20 percent to the overall positive experience of the relationship. However, when sex isn’t going well, it registers a negative impact of up to 70 percent on the experience for the individuals,” explains Toronto-based sex therapist Marion Goertz.

Don’t think of a stale sex life as a sign that your relationship is doomed. Rather think of it more as a signal alerting you to the fact that a relationship tune-up is needed. “It’s like the engine warning light that a relationship is needing attention.”

2. Your mantra: 
It will get better Complacency and resignation is the enemy of progress in a relationship. And if you’ve given up on your partner’s ability to please you in the boudoir — or your ability to return the same — then that may be part of the problem.

Recognition that intimacy can deepen and become more satisfying is an essential ingredient in solving your sex dilemma. We can “absolutely” change “our ways of interacting, connecting and experiencing intimacy,” says Goertz.

“When two people are open to increasing their intimacy on all levels — not just in the bedroom, when their minds and hearts begin to connect in new and more intimate ways — our bodies quickly follow.”

3. Commit to the process - Change takes effort and commitment.
“Choosing to work to improve any part of our human functioning, to the degree that we are physically and mentally able, is first and foremost a choice — and a commitment,” she explains.

That means you’re going to have to talk about your dissatisfaction with your partner. But before you do that, you may need to sort out just exactly what’s turning you off and why. For example, is the issue that you want to have more sex or less? Or even, perhaps, none at all? Do you long for more variety? Do you want your partner to show greater tenderness and attention?

Once you’ve sorted out what’s turning you off, think about the reasons that may underlie your dissatisfaction.

“When we look closer,” says Goertz, “the couple tends to have lost their safe middle ground and have disconnected due to busyness, outside stresses, illness, etc.” Other factors that may influence sexual satisfaction may be a history of infidelity or suspicions thereof, fertility stresses, feelings of shame that make sexual expression difficult, or unresolved emotional issues.

4. Be nicer to one another outside of the bedroom. 
If your relationship is suffering from a lack of overall enjoyment in one another’s company (clothed or otherwise) boost the pleasure principle in your interactions by applying the golden rule to your loved one.

“Show appreciation, say please and thank you,” suggests Goertz. Buy your beloved his or her favourite brand of potato chips — nothing says ‘I want you’ like a bag of artisanal dill pickle chips — or buy them their favourite magazine, or flowers.

“Say something nice about them that they will overhear. Call as you are leaving for home. So many things that say, ‘I respect you, your feelings matter to me, I want you to know that I delight in you’.”

The more beloved your partner feels by you in the kitchen, dining room and living room, the greater the intimacy and sense of trust in the bedroom.

5. Make a project out of it
“Good sex requires scheduling, planning, creativity…and playful, respectful collaboration around frequency, timing and technique,” explains Goertz.

If performance or technique is the problem, ‘fess up to your partner and tell him or her what you’d like them to do. Be bold and show them.

If time and home life stresses are taking their toll on intimacy then it may be time for a dirty night, or weekend, away.

“The best sex is about taking turns planning and carrying out adult play dates, with fun high on the agenda in a pleasant environment with plenty of time and good appetizers. That’s why many people report better sex when they are away on a holiday together.”

Original Article: chatelaine.com

12 Ways to Create a Happy, Long Lasting Relationship

by TESS

The responsibility for the quantity and quality of love in our relationships belongs to each of us. We have the choice to infuse love into every moment of our day and to build an amazing life.  

Hubs and I will celebrate our 42nd wedding anniversary on Tuesday. We were married when I was 17 and pregnant. We learned very early, and sometimes the hard way, that improving and maintaining a loving relationship takes commitment willingness and effort.

You know it's never fifty-fifty in a marriage. It's always seventy-thirty or sixty-forty. Someone falls in love first. Someone puts someone else up on a pedestal. Someone works very hard to keep things rolling smoothly; someone else sails along for the ride. ~ Jodi Picoult

We learn our greatest lessons in life from each other. We may have the best intentions, but it’s human nature to fall into habits, get cranky or take each other for granted. 

Don’t expect love to be perfect. Don’t be fooled into thinking there won’t be difficult times. And don’t believe the old cliché, 'Love means never having to say you’re sorry'. Someone once told me that if a couple never argues, someone isn’t speaking up. 

Each day brings another opportunity to be more loving human beings. Tomorrow's relationships are the result of the depth of our love today. At the end of the day, we can add another page to our personal love story.

1. Live life from a soul connection.

When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth. ~ Jess C. Scott

Allow kindness to create a mood of love. Behave in a kindly and complimentary manner towards each other. Notice your partner doing the right things. 

Enhance your relationship by having a big heart and a sparkling soul. Focus on everything positive.  Make it your religion to be positive and do good, it creates a place of safety and a happy atmosphere. 

2. Don't compare love. 

You can't expect everyone to have the same dedication as you. ~ Jeff Kinney

You’ll only get the love that a person is capable and willing to give in the form they want to give it. Demanding love doesn’t work. Needing love doesn’t work. Love a person where they’re at and they’ll be more likely to grow their love for you. When you love a person unconditionally, you alter their life. 

To every problem that exists, the solution is always love. Always.

3. Rise above the battlefield.  

When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are. ~ Donald Miller

The very traits you fall in love with in your mate are the same traits that will begin to annoy you after the passion wears off in your relationship. Criticizing and nagging each other never solves problems. Verbal abuse shatters one's spirit and heart. It destroys love.

When you are angry, stressed or tired, learn to soothe yourself by allowing yourself to spend time alone. Give yourself a time out. Wait at least 24 hours or until you’re completely calm to discuss difficult issues.

4. Know what brings you joy.

Participate in activities you may not particularly enjoy. I like to hike. Hubs likes to golf. I learned to like golfing. He learned to like hiking. I like to run, Hubs likes to walk. When I’m training for a race, he rides his bike with me. If I’m not training for a race, I walk with him.

We have learned to enjoy each other’s company while having fun together. With a little willingness, every couple can learn to create harmony and delight in all aspects of their lives.

5. Love is a verb.

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.~ Mignon McLaughlin

We often mistake love for a feeling. There will be times when you will feel like you aren’t “in love” with your partner anymore. People mistake love for infatuation or fantasy.

Love is a verb, it’s about taking action.  Choose to take loving action by complimenting, helping, appreciating, listening, sharing, praising and pleasing your partner. Give away the love you want to feel. Give the love you want to receive and there will always be more than enough. 

If you want to be understood, be empathetic. If you want joy, be joyful. If you want to be forgiven, become a forgiving person. When you behave lovingly, you begin to feel loving and loved. Learn to breathe love, when you least feel like it.

6. Understand money.

Formal education will make you a living; self-education will make you a fortune. ~ Jim Rohn

Debt is the number one cause of failed relationships. Learn to separate your needs from your wants. Discuss and agree upon how your money will be budgeted and allocated.

Don’t compare what you have your home, car, job, children or your life, with others. Wanting what you don’t have creates misery and suffering.

Hiding purchases or hoarding money destroys trust. Honesty creates transparency. Practice gratitude and appreciation, together, for what you have today.

Financial help is always available. If your debt is the result of an addiction, seek help from a professional and attend Debtors Anonymous. Don’t allow money to get in your way.

Establish an emergency fund. Remember, it’s never too late to save for your future.   Love is more important than money. Your relationship is at stake here.

7. Don't blame your partner for your misery.

Take 100% responsibility for your relationship. It’s your thoughts about the conflict or person that causes your pain. Notice what story you tell yourself when you become hurt or angry.

If you are willing to drop your story or change your perspective, you will change your emotional state. Leave the past in the past and be present in the moment.

Psychologist, John Gottman found that criticism of a partner's personality, contempt, defensiveness and emotional withdrawal from interaction cause couples to divorce. Happy couples handle conflicts in mature and supportive ways. 

8. Eat together.

Love that does not renew itself every day becomes a habit and in turn a slavery.  ~ Khalil Gibran

Eating together is one way of gathering around the heart of a family. Technology is an invader of intimacy and connection. There isn't space for it at the kitchen or dining table. Make eating together a sacred time. Honor it.

Eating together provides nourishment for your mind, body and soul.  

Mind – Families learn to communicate more effectively as they discuss current events, values, children and other everyday activities.

Body – Dinners cooked at home are likely to contain more nutrients and less fat. There is time to eat, taste and enjoy your food.

Soul – Bonding occurs when emotional support is offered and a couple learns to enjoy and relax in each other's presence.

9. Dream together.

Where will you be in five years? 10 years? 15 years? What will your relationship feel like? What will it look like? Where do you want to live? What activities are important to both of you? You have the power to design the future of your dreams. 

If you keep yourself happy and healthy today, you’re more likely to be happy and healthy in the future. For us, the best is yet to come. We’re planning on it! 
10. Don't judge.

You don't love someone because they're perfect, you love them in spite of the fact that they're not. 

~ Jodi Picoult

Focus on what goes right and what each of you get right. Foucus on what you love about each other. Forget any feelings of superiority. Forget perfection. There is no such thing. Spiritual teacher, Jacob Glass teaches to end any judgment or criticism with the words, "Just like me." He never remembers to pick up his shoes, just like me. He is such a picky eater, just like me. He doesn't get it, just like me. Put everything in perspective, doesn't it? 

 

11. Enjoy each day.

If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you. ~ A. A. Milne 

One of our biggest arguments is over who will die first. We love each other's company. We’ve lived with each other for so long we can’t imagine living without each other.  I want to die first and so does he. When you love someone with your heart and soul, you can’t imagine a life without each other. ~ 

12. Create fun and play.

A little nonsense now and then, is cherished by the wisest men. ~ Roald Dahl

Always leave enough time, money and energy for play. Try new activities. Visit new places. Surprise each other. Be silly. Travel together. You can tell how healthy a relationship is by the amount of laughter that is shared. Never underestimate the power of creating good times for yourselves.

In the end, it's all about love. Express love. Give love. Act out of love. Be love, loving.

"And remember, as it was written, to love another person is to see the face of God. ~ Les Miserables

Original Article: theboldlife.com