The Art of Flirting

by 'Surya' Angelique Shofar

The truth is, flirting is an art.

And like art, it can be mastered.

Flirting is an expression of the vibes, feelings and interaction between two people who are fully engaged, totally present and completely enthralled in any given moment. There are many kinds of flirting. The ‘first meet’ is where I take you into the field of flirting with a few of my own simple tips and insights that will bring out the flirt in you.

Here are 11 flirting tips:

1. Make Eye Contact

If you walk into a room, are sitting in a space or go someplace and see someone you are immediately attracted to you, you will naturally look at them. And nine out of 10 times they will feel your energy and turn to you or the other way around. The energies of the eyes are strong and the receiver can feel it. When they turn your way, do not look away. Keep looking at them. I do not encourage winking because it’s rather cheesy.  It’s the looking of the gaze that will melt you away and bring out your flirtatious nature—and it hints if the other person is feeling you. Those few seconds may seem like eternity. Then…

2. Smile

Not just with your lips but also with your eyes. There is nothing more dazzling than smiling eyes. They are sexy and heart melting. Let your smile light up the room—from a light smile to a bright one that reveals you in a vulnerable, yet strong way. Let your smile naturally fill your organs and your entire body, making all of you beam a radiant smile at your target. After the gaze and the smile, gently return your attention to the moment—your moment.

3. Move Your Body

I swear this one is easier than it sounds. There’s no need to have any moves in mind or practice any steps. When your eyes make contact and your lips turn up into a crescent moon smile, your body will follow and do its own dance. Get out of your mind and into your body. Descend into your heart and trust your body. Just make sure you are aware of your feet touching the earth so that you do not slip, twist or fall. Lengthen your spine and let your attention drop into the tail of your spine. Flirting is a natural bodily response to external stimuli that activates the good hormones. You just have to go with it.

If there were distance between you two, then a man would be inclined to find his way to you. A woman can do likewise, if she is at ease with going after what she wants. Let the moment guide you.

4. Speak up

Utter a few words acknowledging your crush. A simple ‘Hi’ can go a long way. Then notice what they are doing or see what’s around you two and ignite a conversation based on it.  If that doesn’t come together easily, then by all means give them a compliment. I love complimenting a man on what’s organic about him, like his features—his eyes, his smile, or the way he expresses through his hair—men with long beautiful locks are easy to compliment but it would be difficult to do so with a bald headed guy. I think if you went for the lips or his buns it may turn up the flame a bit too high and too quick. You don’t want that, you want to be subtle. Remember less is more.

5. Introduce your self or maintain the mystery.

If you’re going to introduce yourself, a first name is sufficient. Remember it’s a ‘flirtatious’ moment not a business meeting.  Besides, you’re not wearing a name tag so make it easy to remember. For me, I have a flirt name and then there’s my real name. I choose according to the situation. If you choose to remain a mystery, then refrain from giving your name. Make them work a bit harder to get you to tell your name. Then when you decide to tell your name, whisper it in their ear. What a sexy unveiling of the mystery.

6.  Ignite a conversation.

You both should be in close proximity by now—hopefully a few inches apart and of course, not yelling across a room or a street. Find some common grounds with this person. You may both be at an event with a theme or focus, or you may be ordering the same take-out meal or your kids may attend the same school or you may be standing in the same voting line. Use your discretion in bringing up a conversation. Or be ready and mindful of the one he/she may ignite. Just keep it light and no heavy on the personal stuff. Avoid any debates or harsh criticisms and certainly no complaints. In fact, if he/she begins to complain then I would take it as a warning sign and immediately turn off the flirt switch. Flirting is what butterflies do with flowers. Touch, sniff, taste and go—nothing serious, dark or heavy—they just leave the light scent of a trail behind.

7. Be Mindful of Body Cues.

Keep yourself open and flowing, this will manifest through your body language. Crossed legs or arms are an indication that you are not open. Tension in your neck and shoulders may be a warning. Pay attention to your body and how you feel. Looks can be deceiving but your body knows. Always stand or sit facing the other person you are attracted to. Angle your torso toward him or her, or point your feet in their direction. Keep your face unwrinkled. Sometimes, stress, sadness and unresolved anger can show up in a person’s face. Make sure you are pleasant, peaceful and at ease in your face and body. All of these facial signs can project and speak of your inner world. You want to create a pleasant inner first and see it come out.

 8. Break the touch barrier.

More times than not, it may be perfectly okay to initiate touch. And I don’t mean in an overly insinuating way nor clumsy way like falling or tripping over something or your crush, but more so in a safe and slightly conveying way. You are transmitting to them that you like them and feel comfortable enough with yourself and the moment. You may choose to brush against them gently as you make your way by or may remove an imaginary speck of dirt or dust on their arm or clothes. No face! In the event that he/she does really have something on their face, then you can let them know or say nothing. It has to feel natural inside of you. The supermarket can be a meet market. I run into a lot of men in Whole Foods Market. It’s always fun flirting with one or two of them.

One time I was at the check out when a man walked in. We were immediately drawn to each other. I could tell he was stunned by me. He gazed and I gazed for what seemed like eternity. I had to finally turn away. Before I could even check out of the line, he was at the café area waiting for me. Lucky for him, I sat down to have a snack. So he made his way over to me and began talking. I told him I only talked to him because he was wearing my color of the day—pink. That was my flirt line.

 9. Keep it short & sweet!

To keep demand up, the supply must be scarce. Keep the sensual brush with human nature short and brief. No dragging it on or the rush to create an impromptu date. Not a good idea! You want to make your self be known and felt like a very nice and arresting breeze appearing out of nowhere, blankets you then moves on leaving an aromatic hint that leaves them dazzled and curious. Remember the butterfly rule.

10. Wrap it up!

Is there a difference between the gal/guy that asks you for her/his number or the one that gives you theirs? Well, I’ll let you figure that out. If there was a click then perhaps you two can meetup for a date. An event, or gathering or anything that is open and public would be a good start. You could even plan to meet at a library or coffee shop—someplace simple. And generally, if you both feel a need to exchange numbers, I would give a voice mail number, not a cell or home number. It’s just best to play the game in a detached way to once again obtain sustainable outcome, if not thing at all. A smile that includes eyes and body can go a long way.

11. Play of the Law of Attraction.

The law of attraction is a component of the game of flirting. And it derives from what appears to be a natural order. When you take flirting as a shift in the energy field of love vibrations, though for a fleeting moment, it can leave a mark that carries sustainable results. Every flirtatious moment can present conversations of possibilities: a moment to intermingle and connect with another projection of your self-portrait, lovers engaged in the stroke of the brush that gradually paints their most intimate and perpetual love bond.

Originally this article appeared in elephantjournal.com

20 Ways to LOVE Your Husband Better

If you’ve been around here before, you probably know that I love, like luuuurve, my husband. Thing is, this shouldn’t be revelatory news. I mean, us wives should love our husbands.

But stuff happens. Life happens. Kids happen. Exhaustion happens. And before we know it, many of those lovey-dovey feelings fade into the background.

We become more like roommates than spouses. More like buddies than lovers. More like co-parents than two people crazy in love.

So what’s a wife to do? Well, for starters she can figure out ways to love her husband better because doing so can actually produce more of those loving feelings. Not to mention, we should always be committed to loving and serving our spouses more intently and passionately.

With that being said, here are 20 ways to love your husband better:

1. Pray. Oh so obvious, but sadly, I admit I personally don’t do this enough.

2. Be interested in his work. Most likely your husband spends hours a day working. It shows great love when his wife shows interest in that work.

3. Share hobbies. If he likes to bowl, bowl. If he likes to collect coins, collect coins. If he likes to woodwork, well you might be out of luck. And hopefully your man has some cooler hobbies than the ones I mentioned here.

4. Date. I don’t understand why couples get married and quit dating. It is weird to me. Going out on dates should be a part of any healthy marriage.

5. Ditch those kids. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again–get rid of your kids (if you have them) for a night. He will feel loved.

6. Have more sex. Nothing tells a man you love him quite like sex.

7. Feed him, this coming from my husband. They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Not sure if this is true, but it’s worth a try.

8. Compliment him. You look so handsome. Mmm…you smell good. Cute butt. Whatever.

9. Discover his love language and speak it!

10. Respect him. This is perhaps one of the most powerful ways wives can show their husbands love. If you need help in learning how to show him more respect, try the Love and Respect ministry.

11. Support his dreams. Don’t be a dream killer. I’m married to an entrepreneur and it would be easy to shoot down his ideas from time to time. Instead, I try to dream alongside of him. It has made all the difference.

12. Make your home worth coming home to. This could entail picking up the house, cooking a delicious dinner, or just being there to greet him with a kiss.

13. Be a hot wife. I might schlep around in sweats when my husband isn’t home, but you better believe that before he walks in that door, I throw on a cute outfit and some lip gloss. Sounds old-fashioned? It is and he loves it (and truth be told, so do I).

14. Flirt. Just like dating, many couples seem to forget or to quick flirting in marriage. But it needn’t be the case. Flirtation can show love in a big way.

15. Brag. Tell your friends, co-workers, family members how great your husband is, all the time. It is easy for women to complain about their husbands, but bragging, not nagging, tells him you love him.

16. Have more sex. Yeah, I already said this one. That’s right.

17. Make him your everyday hero. When my kids ask in a sad little voice why daddy has to go to work…again, I tell them that he is serving our family. He works because he loves us. He goes to work because he is our hero. This message is communicated to my husband, as well.

18. Surprise him. What has he been longing to do? What has he putt off for quite some time? What would he love for you to do for him? Surprise him.

19. Tell him…all the time. You can never say “I love you” too much.

20. Ask him: How can I love you better?

Okay ladies, I know you have some great ideas to add to the list, as well. Let’s hear ‘em. How do you love your husband?

Original Article: modernreject.com

Be a Sacred Lover

Right Now You Can Change the Course of Your Love Life Forever.

Get Off the Circuit of Broken Promises, a Broken Heart and Reoccurring Break Ups.

Which would you rather be or be with -- a Sacred Lover or an Average Lover?

Average Lover characteristics are where most people hang out. That’s why you can have so much frustration in your relationship and sex life. 

A Sacred Lover enjoys greater sexual pleasure, deeper emotional union, and a mind and soul connection with their intimate partner.

Discover the Sacred Lover in You.

Attract a Sacred Lover.

Experience Sacred Love Now.

When Is the Right Time to Sleep With Him?

This week I got several questions about the timing of sleeping with someone.  Should I sleep with him?  Should I not?  When I sleep with him, he doesn’t call me.  These kinds of questions. 

And so, I wanted to get right to the point of addressing when is the right time to sleep with someone. What are you seeking out of this particular relationship?  Do you just want to have a good time?  Is sharing yourself with that person telling them that you love them and you’re ready to commit?  It is very different for men and women.  Women, when you sleep with someone it is like you are mated with that person.  You might think that you disconnect as easily as a man but it’s not the case.  As soon as you share your body with a man, you feel bonded with that person and it might not necessarily be the same for the man.  He may more easily be able to move on and disconnect emotionally.

And so, there’s a three-step process in determining whether this is the time for you to sleep with someone.

1. How well do you know this person?  Is he healthy in the context of his other relationships? 

2. Have you develop a level of trust that you would be safe emotionally and physically in the situation.

3. What does it mean for you?  And what does it mean for the other person to share that sexual encounter?  Does it mean the same?  Because if it means the same, then you’re on the right track.  If it doesn’t mean the same to you, that’s what’s going to cause the pain and the stress and the confusion.  And why isn’t he calling me?  Why isn’t he texting me?  What happened here is that you don’t have the same context and reason for bonding with each other sexually.

So, I encourage you to really take this to heart and I want you to be very clear with yourself before you even get close to sexual encounter, of checking in on all three things.  If you don’t have them, then you know it’s like throwing dice and you may get something great and you may not.  You know you just want a one night stand then be okay with someone not calling you again, someone not texting you again.  You need to be on the same page and that will ultimately give you what you want.

Q&A: How do I overcome a sexual addiction?

Is sex all you think about? Sexual addiction may not be talked about as commonly as other addictions, but can be just as damaging in your life and relationships. Karinna Kittles-Karsten, relationships expert and love educator, offers steps on how to overcome this addiction.

Dear Karinna,

I am having sex with my wife 3-4 times a week, but whenever I see other women I become motivated to have sex with them too. I cannot control this urge. What is the solution to this?

-- S.

 

Dear S.,

I would call this type of behavior sexual addiction. Just like any other addiction to alcohol, food, or gambling, sex can become an addiction with destructive consequences. Here’s what you should know.

 

What is sexual addiction?

Sexual addiction takes root based on a build up of pressurized, personal psychological factors that then are acted-out through addictive behavior. When you are addicted to sex it doesn't matter how much you have it-- you want more. And sometimes the more you have it the more you want it. It is as if you have this great, uncontrollable hunger that doesn't go away and is leading you towards crossing inappropriate boundaries.

 

Take a look at your life

What is happening at work, with your health, and in the relationship dynamics with your wife, family members, and/or co-workers? Any one of these could be contributing to negative self-esteem and a loss of feeling in control-- you may or may not have even acknowledged this to yourself.

 

Take low self-esteem and a loss of control (due to psychological pressure from the current state of affairs in one's life), mixed with the cocktail of having a big sexual ego that makes you feel powerful and in control and you have the breeding ground for sexual addiction.

 

Healthy vs. destructive sexual ego

Take a look at your fundamental beliefs about sex. You may feel pretty good about your sexual abilities. You may also feel that your wife is sexually attracted to you and others of the opposite sex are as well, which makes you feel good about yourself. These are elements of having a healthy sexual ego.

 

But then you see attractive women on the street, at work, or in a restaurant and have the urge to please them. That urge takes over and you can't stop it in your mind and perhaps you may even cross the line and have affairs. This is a sexual ego that has turned destructive.

 

You can overcome it

Healthy Sexuality CD and The Relationship Between Sex and Power CD to help support you in understanding and engaging in a sexually healthy way. If you have crossed the line and had affairs, it is also time to face the truth with your wife.

Karinna Kittles-Karsten is an internationally recognized love educator and keynote speaker on creating high quality LOVE in our personal relationships as well as global connectivity. She is author of the best-selling book, Intimate Wisdom, The Sacred Art of Love, and the creator/host of the popular DVD Sacred Love-Making. For more information visit www.sacredlove.com.

Overcoming the Fear of Falling In Love Again

It is not unusual for some people to fear falling in love again. There are people who are wary of the emotions that come with “falling in love”. They are wary of losing control. If you are one of these people, you need to understand where the fear is coming from. Why are you afraid? What is in your way? What limiting fears or perceptions are holding you back? Do you want to be in a relationship? Are you paralyzed by your fear?

Hurt is unavoidable. Couples can hurt each other. This happens even in the very best of relationships. It is less likely to occur, however, if you have some few rules you observe right at the beginning of a relationship. These rules are simple. You just have to know them.

Know Who You Are

It is important that you know who you are and you accept – and love yourself – before you even consider entering into any relationship. You need to know who you are physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally. You need to define your needs at the very core level of each of these areas.

This way, you will know what you want in a relationship. Although it is tempting to look firstly for external qualities, particularly in the person you want to be with, you need to seek internal qualities just as much. Both will matter in the long run.

Write down your needs and look at your list until it has become a part of your consciousness. You need to be specific, so that you will be able to attract people who share a similar perspective on love and values for loving. With this met requirement it will help you overcome your fear of falling in-love or entering into another relationship.

Take Responsibility for Your Choice

Everyone has a certain level of maturity, emotional, spiritual, mental and physical. This is why you need to know what you want so that you will attract people of the similar level of development. It takes certain maturity in these areas in order to build and sustain a healthy and dynamic relationship.

When you choose someone who does not share a similar perspective on love, you will likely be confronted with issues that will hurt you or will hurt your relationship. For instance, if you are a person who wants kids, look for someone who wants kids as well. Do not think that he or she will someday change his mind.

Take responsibility for your choice. Practice discernment. In the end, it is up to you to choose the right person for you. Your fear of love and relationships is easier to overcome if you choose the right person.

How to Choose a Really Great Lover

How to Choose a Really Great Lover (via OM Times Magazine)

Relationship Advice and Dating Tips Ask Karinna: Back in the Scene

“I have just recently divorced. The last 7 years of marriage have been terrible. I was living with a very immature control freak. Now I just want to move on and meet someone new. How can I get back in the scene again?” ~ C

I'm really sorry that you had such a terrible experience your last seven years of marriage. What I want to say to you is that number one to get back in the scene again you have to leave the baggage behind. You don't want to walk into the dating scene carrying a heavy weight on your shoulders ... that is your old relationship story ....your old experience being with a control freak. You need to get very, very clear about how that relationship served you. What did you learn from it? How were you inspired to become someone different from it? What did being with someone controlling and being in a terrible relationship teach you? Come out with the gold. Come out with the gifts.

That is the starting point for you for getting back into the dating scene.

So once you have that clarity and you come in fresh with all this new knowledge, al this new insight and all this empowerment then secondly you need a relationship makeover meaning discovering who you are as a lover today. You are different than the lover who entered into that relationship all those years ago.

Discover who she is, who she is emotionally? What does she need? What can she give physically mentally and spiritually?

Cultivate ...get into that great experience of cultivation and nurturing the lover in you. That is going to be very attractive to a new person.

The makeup and the wardrobe come after you have actually made over the lover within yourself. Do both. Enjoy the process. And come fresh, refreshed for love.

Thirdly I suggest trying Sacred Love Dating. You can find someone great to interact with and perhaps to start a relationship with. It is available nationally in the United States as well as UK. So you can choose. It is a great way to get back out there and start to connect but come without the baggage and come as a new lover.

Single? What is in it for you at SacredLove.com.

Singles: If you are seeking a quality meaningful dating relationship in the US or the UK, even true love, SacredLove.com offers you the chance to start a free dating profile right now with our Sacred Love Dating membership service. Begin meeting quality singles today.

If you are more interested in getting your questions answered about dating and growing as a lover this is the place and the moment. Seize the day and treat yourself to the Love Spa membership, our love school designed specifically for you and your busy schedule. Learn from our audio/visual menu how to be romantic, how to date more successfully, how to create intimacy methods, quick self confidence boosting practices, how to get over a breakup, how to have a better relationship, and of course how to have better sex. All with fun, step by step, insightful love school tools you always thought about and wished for in your love life available to you now at a glance.

Then for fun, inspiration and excitement watch love on Empowered Relationships TV membership to see dating experiences, real life makeovers, true love stories of couples, romantic destination and more. Share your relationship stories too.

Today is a day to open up to and celebrate love in a whole new way ... as your ultimate lifestyle!