Thursday, September 29, 2011

Love Advice Ask Karinna: Dating Disappearance

Dating Disappearance

Today I'm going to answer a question that I get all the time about disappearing. Often in the dating process one person disappears.

They may disappear once for 48 or 72 hours. They may disappear for a couple of weeks or they may disappear altogether. This creates incredible distress, hurt, confusion and pain. It has become a chronic issue over the last 10 years.

One of the core fundamental reasons it happens is because we have become so reliant on technology to communicate through. We very rarely use the telephone and even more rarely do we wait until we see each other to communicate. So these quick sound bites in communication either through texting or e-mail or even skype chat can be confused for a real conversation.

We have also become very quick to disconnect. For the person this is happening to, they actually start to feel disposable.

There is a portion of people who disappear that just feel overwhelmed, and they can't manage every single thing in their life and so they manage by just not communicating, just dropping the conversation. It is a really, really bad habit.

While everything cannot be a priority in your life, people must be priorities. It doesn't matter if this is a person that you just started dating or someone you have developed a relationship with for 3 months or someone that you've been involved with for years.

Another portion of people that disappear are very self centered. And basically highly value their own experience over someone else's. It is a statement about skill level of that person as a partner, where they’re interest lies and the value that they place on relationships in the personal arena.

I really recommend that you take a long look at your relationships and where you can step up in your communication.

This frees up energy for both people to move on. When you don't communicate, when you don't respect the other person, when you don't close the circle, it leaves so much energy hanging. And it does create a lot more animosity, a field of conflict and ultimately gives you a bad rap!

For those people who are experiencing disappearances in their love life I recommend that any time you even sense that it is occurring…. you name it ….you call it for what it is …..and you communicate that you are not going to accept that kind of behavior. It is not on the level of which you want to be in a relationship.

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