How to Respond to "I Love You"

by Gray Miller

Ever been in a situation where you've been wondering how to respond to "I love you"? The question can be heart-stopping in good ways, in bad ways, and in confusing ways. When the pressure's on, here are some tips to handle it.

The Good, the Bad, and the "Huh?"

"Love" is a funny word in the English language. It can mean a lot of things, from your opinion of a TV show to a lifelong commitment. If your best friend says "I love you" after you've done something nice for them, you usually don't have much trouble saying "Love you back!" because there's not a lot attached to the word.

It's not always so clear, though, what a person means when they say that. Sometimes it means everything that the romance novels and cinematic love stories portray: this person wants to give you their heart. At that point, figuring out how to respond to "I love you" is going to be a factor of your gut reaction.

Requited Love

The happiest outcome when you hear these words is to be able to genuinely say "I love you, too" right back. Don't worry if it sounds trite if it's how you genuinely feel. The person put themselves out on a limb for you, and it's your job to support them out there and let them know that you are feeling the same way. This leads to further conversations about what that love looks like in your lives, and the beginning of what is hopefully a beautiful new phase in your relationship.

Some people have trouble saying these three words because they have said it before and been disappointed. It's important to realize that the past is the past, and this person is not the one you said those words to before. Treat the new relationship with as much respect and attention it deserves, even if you have to work a little harder to let go of the past.

Unrequited Love

Unfortunately, you don't always feel the same way towards the person who is saying "I love you." If you don't care about them, it's not too big of a deal to simply refuse them. However, if you want to preserve a friendship without taking it to the "next level," you may need to find a way to let them down easy

Start by thanking them. As noted before, they're taking a chance by telling you their feelings, and that deserves some acknowledgment. However, you also need to be very clear that you don't share their feelings. Blunt honesty will almost always be less cruel in the long run, and you need to resist the urge to add qualifiers like "…right now" or "…in exactly that way." A simple statement of "I can't say that, because I don't feel that way" is almost always the best response, because it's honest. It also lets them begin the healing process of what can be a devastating realization.

The "Ummm…" Response

It would be nice if love were such a black-and-white situation. The fact is that our feelings are not always so clear, and when someone says "I love you" you may suddenly feel confusion. Love can be scary, but it can also be thrilling. So what do you do when you're not sure?

The first part is easy: thank you for telling me how you feel. The second part is easy to know, but not so easy to do: be honest. Express your uncertainty, and let them know that you need more time to think about that change in your relationship. They may be eager for a quick decision, but remind them and yourself that it's a very important one. It deserves the time it takes to know, one way or another. It may not be an easy process, but in the long run, you'll be glad you took the time to get past the confused emotions.

How to Respond to "I Love You"? Honestly.

The one common thread in all three scenarios is honesty. Make sure you tell the other person how you really feel. Telling the truth is the foundation for both friendship and love, and holding on to that will help you navigate safely through the sea of emotions no matter where it takes you.

Originally appeared in dating.lovetoknow.com

Is Love at First Sight Real?

by Aaron Ben-Zeév Ph.D.

Love at first sight is more than sexual attraction

“This is going to sound crazy, but... from the moment I first set eyes on you I haven't been able to stop thinking about you.” Leigh Fallon, Carrier of the Mark

There are many reports about love at first sight. Thus, Carla Bruni said that it was love at first sight between her and the former French President Nicolas Sarkozy. She said that what happened "between Nicolas and me was not quick, it was instant. So for us, [the wedding] was actually very slow." Similarly, a woman said about her lover, "I loved him at first sight. And the very first time in my life I ever felt passionately was the moment I saw him. It was a feeling so loving, so tender, so wild, so overwhelming and breath-taking, and all-involving, a feeling I did not know before."

Love at first sight is not easy to explain. Some people even deny that it is possible claiming it is merely sexual attraction. Indeed, how can we fall profoundly in love after one quick glance? How can such a glance make us believe that we want to spend the rest of our life in the arms of a stranger we have just seen for the first time?

Arguments against love at first sight

“If you believe in love at first sight, you will never stop looking.” Closer (2004; directed by Mike Nichols)

Arguments against the possibility of love at first sight are usually based on two main reasons. The first is an epistemic reason that claims that as the agent does not have sufficient knowledge about the person's characteristics in order to fall in love, her response is merely imaginary wishful thinking and not a real emotion. The second reason is existential. It refers to the fact that as the agent does not have the time to exercise the activities typical of love, her emotional response cannot be that of romantic love.

The first argument implies that romantic love consists not merely of attraction to external appearance, which is the basis of sexual desire, but also of knowing the agent's character traits, such as kindness, honesty, wisdom and a sense of humor. Such knowledge cannot be present at first sight, as it requires familiarity and common history (see here).

The fundamental mistake in this argument is the assumption that we cannot attribute to a person characteristics that are not seen at the moment. This assumption is incorrect since we often spontaneously attribute such characteristics, by using certain stereotypical evaluations. This is, for example, what underlies the “attractiveness halo,” in which what is beautiful is evaluated as also good. Accordingly, attractive people are more likely to be the object of love at first sight. It is as if these people begin the struggle to be loved with the initial obstacle already behind them. In love at first sight, the high value accorded to the other’s external appearance is projected onto her internal characteristics. Love at first sight can often mislead since it is based more on imagination than on sight; however, it can still be love, and is often very intense.

The second argument against love at first sight refers to the fact that love does not merely consist of feelings; rather, it essentially involves activities, and these cannot be exercised at first sight. In this regard, we may distinguish between action readiness and behavioral manifestation. Action readiness, rather than actual behavior, underlies emotions. There are many instances of action readiness that are not translated into actual behavior because of moral considerations, actual cost, or other practical and normative concerns. Thus, someone who is suffering from total paralysis may be in love, although his love is unaccompanied by any muscular activity. In such cases, action readiness is also present.

The fact that love at first sight may be based upon unreliable information does not mean that it is not an instance of intense love. Research indicates that romantic love is often based upon idealization and positive illusions, and this is also true concerning love that lasts many years. This is also the case concerning other emotions. For instance, jealousyis often based upon incorrect beliefs about the partner's activities. The limited focus of emotions often leads people to hold distorted emotional beliefs.

The fact that love at first sight may perish after a while also does not imply that it was not an intense love. Time is not an exclusive, or even the major, measure of intense love. On the contrary, romantic intensity is likely to subside and even to disappear after a while.

Since love at first sight involves both the beliefs and action readiness that are typical of romantic love, it is an instance of romantic love. In order to explain the nature of love at first sight, romantic intensity must be distinguished from romantic profundity.

Romantic intensity and romantic profundity

“The only true love is love at first sight; second sight dispels it.” Israel Zangwill

“Whoever loves, loves at first sight.” William Shakespeare, Twelfth Night

The distinction between romantic intensity and romantic profundity, a distinction that is seldom made, is crucial in understanding romantic love. In a nutshell, the main difference is that romantic profundity goes beyond sheer romantic intensity by including a temporal dimension.

Romantic intensity expresses a snapshot picture of a romantic experience at a given moment. In romantic profundity the temporal dimension of love is added. Romantic profundity involves shared activities, which fulfill essential needs that are constitutive of the couple's long-term flourishing. Accordingly, romantic profundity is described along two axes: intensity and the temporal (duration and frequency) dimension. Thus, a short episode of sexual desire may be more intense than a longer experience of romantic love, even though the former is less profound. The profundity of a romantic experience is different to the intensity with which it is felt.

Duration can indeed vary dramatically with comparable levels of intensity. In one empirical study, participants rated the positive emotion associated with having “someone you find attractive suggest you meet for coffee” as almost as high in intensity as the emotion experienced after “saving your neighbor’s child from a car accident.” However, the average estimated duration associated with the former was twenty minutes, whereas for the latter it was more than five hours; in this sense, the latter is more profound (Gilboa & Revelle, 1994).

The main added value in including the temporal dimension concerns the issue of (shared) activities. When we move from sheer emotional intensity to emotional profundity, what is vital is not merely that more time is spent together, but that it is time in which essential activities associated with the given emotion take place. If time is available but the activities are missing, the experience is not profound. Profound love can endure for a long time when it maintains romantic intensity on (at least) a moderate level while significantly advancing the personal flourishing of each partner.

Love at first sight is essentially intense love. The great attractiveness strikes you like a flash of lightening and you wish to prolong the time you spend with the other person. All measures of romantic intensity, such as the “heat” of feeling, the cognitive content of what the lover believes about the beloved, the strength of the positive evaluation of the beloved, and the measure and nature of the action readiness, are present in this response.

Love at first sight can be the basis for profound, long-term love, provided that characteristics typically revealed in verbal communication later enhance—or, at least, do not contradict—the characteristics perceived at first sight.

Love at first sight cannot be profound as there has been no time for creating such profoundness. However, love at first sight should not be described as shallow; it is just that the issue of profoundness is not yet relevant. Shallowness may arise when the phenomenon does not last long, but it cannot be said to be present when it just begins. In the same manner, after thirty seconds of a football game we would not say that the team's performance is shallow because no goal has been scored yet or no impressive action has yet occurred. The most we can say is that so far we cannot tell whether their performance is shallow, but based on the high level of the team's engagement, such a conclusion is probably not warranted.

Love at first acquaintance

"Of course I liked you, but then you opened your mouth." A woman to a man on their first meeting

The survival chances of initial love increase when we consider love at first meeting (or acquaintance), rather than love at first sight. Such a meeting provides more time to get to know other characteristics of the person, such as wisdom, wittiness, and a sense of humor, and to become involved in initial common activities, such as conversation. Moreover, signs of the unique instant connection ("chemistry") between the two agents might arise at the first meeting, such as a tender, "accidental" touch. This touching can be one-sided, although the touched side (often the female at this stage) may wish for reciprocal touching, but is not ready yet to take that step.

Love at first meeting is linked to the “personality halo,” in which a person who is perceived as having a certain positive personality trait is perceived to be attractive and assumed to have some other positive characteristics. It should be noted that although beauty has a powerful impact at first sight, the weight of this impact decreases as time passes and after we get to know the person's other characteristics. Likewise, wittiness has a powerful impact at first chat, but its impact may be reduced once we know the person's other characteristics.

Is love at first sight a good indicator for the future?

"As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on." Steve Jobs

Should we follow our heart and seriously pursue love at first sight? We usually should, as such love is a genuine expression of our response. Love at first sight is a matter of the heart, and as Steve Jobs said, "you'll know when you find it." And perhaps "it just gets better and better as the years roll on." The issue is, however, more complex.

The relationship between love at first sight and the quality and the profundity of a subsequent relationship is mainly influenced by two opposing factors: (a) the initial positive impression has positive impact upon the quality of the relationship, and (b) the brevity of time in which the partner is selected prevents the agent from identifying a significant personality similarity, which is vital for future
relationship quality.

Research has demonstrated that initial evaluations have significant influence on long-term relationships. The positive evaluations present in love at first sight therefore have a positive impact upon the relationship. In this sense, if love at first sight develops into a long-term relationship, that relationship has a greater chance of achieving better quality. The importance of first impressions is illustrated in the well-known advertisement for hair shampoo, which declares that "You will never have a second chance to make a good first impression."

While positive first impressions increase the chances of long-term profound love, the superficial manner of choosing the partner in love at first sight may have a negative impact upon the subsequent loving relationship. The fact that the beloved was a complete stranger to you gives rise to the possibility that you do not have much in common. The love may be intense, but not profound. Indeed, studies have found that partners who fell in love at first sight, in comparison to partners who got involved more gradually, entered into intimate relationships more quickly after they met and had mates with less similar personalities,especially with regard to levels of extraversion, emotional stability and autonomy This, however, did not necessarily lead to a low relationship quality, as the positive impact of the first impression can compensate for the superficial manner of choosing the partner (Barelds & Barelds-Dijkstra, 2007; Sunnafrank & Ramirez, 2004).

Concluding remarks

"Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?" Unknown

Love at first sight is not merely sexual attraction. It is an intense form of romantic love that has a good chance of developing into profound intense love, provided that the characteristics that are not seen at first sight are indeed similar to those the lover assumes, and that no external circumstances occur to terminate the relationship.

We should be aware, however, that love at first sight is merely intense and not profound love; hence, there is always a possibility that this love will not become profound enough to sustain a long-time loving relationship. The probability of this is considerably reduced in the case of love at first meeting, in which more of the agent's characteristics are revealed.

References

Barelds, D. & Barelds-Dijkstra, P. (2007), Love at first sight or friends first? Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 24, 479-496.

Gilboa, E. & Revelle, W. (1994). Personality and the structure of affective responses. In S. H. M. van Goozen, N. E. van de Poll & J. A. Sergeant (Eds.), Emotions: Essays on emotion theory. Hillsdale: Erlbaum, pp. 135-159.

Sunnafrank, M. & Ramirez, A. (2004). At first sight: Persistent relational effects of get-acquainted conversations, Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 21, 361-379.

Original article appeared in psychologytoday.com

How to Know If You Are in Love

Falling in love is a wonderful and crazy feeling that’s worth experiencing at least once in our lives. When you know you are falling in love, the way you look at the world and experience life can change in a moment. But the bigger question is how to know if you are in love? Well, find out here.

Falling in love is an experience worth living for. And the first time you fall in love, that’s a memory of a lifetime. But how to know if you are in love in the first place?

All of us have our own experiences in love, and every moment is as unique as the person who is falling in love.

Many believe in love at first sight while many others think the best kind of love is one where two friends understand each other and fall in love gradually. 

Now however you may fall in love, the feelings are all the same. And when you’re in love, you’ll just know!

When you fall in love with someone, you start to experience feelings and urges that are quite unexplainable and confusing.

Read these signs to know if you are in love. 

How to know if you are in love

Falling is love may be a single emotion, but that single emotion can cause so many hormonal, chemical and emotional changes, it’s almost unbelievable.

You’re definitely in love if you’re experiencing these emotions.

Butterflies in your stomach

For anyone who experiences falling in love it first sight, you can’t really help but experience butterflies in your stomach.

It’s a vague sensation of wanting to throw up and trying to get to the loo at the same time. 

Your stomach starts to perform intricate back flips and the insides of your stomach feel like they’re fluttering!

So why does this happen? Surprisingly, no one really knows why this even happens! But it just does.

Some scientists believe this is due to the release of adrenalin by your body because of the nervousness you experience when you fall in love at first sight.

Unexplained happiness

Do you find yourself kissing pillows, jumping up and down in excitement and joy for no apparent reason and giving your lover funny little pet names? You may just be in love. 

According to Helen Fisher, anthropologist from Rutgers University, when you fall in love, the levels of dopamine in the brain increase due to the increased blood flow to the regions where the receptors of dopamine are present. Dopamine, a pleasure chemical, makes you more excited, energetic and full of life.

The dopamine released in the brain make you feel sleepless, restless, full of happiness and make you think about your lover, a lot. Ever taken cocaine? That’s just like an intense burst of dopamine!

You can’t think of anyone else

When you’re in love, you can’t really think of anything else but your lover. They’d be tirelessly running around in your mind and you can’t work, remember things or focus on other interests. This is due to norepinephrine, a chemical compound that gets released along with dopamine, in the brain.

You get sexually attracted… a lot!

In a study conducted on several young couples madly in love, it was seen that the levels of serotonin, a neurotransmitter found mostly in the intestinal tract, dropped dangerously low, something that’s experienced by people suffering from obsessive compulsive disorder.

But on the other hand, it was noticed that low serotonin levels in young couples increased the desire to have sex. Talk about evolution’s way of forcing the ritual of baby making while we’re completely attracted to each other! 

You get depressed easily

Do you get upset easily if the person you like upsets you in any manner? Well, you may be in love. While the drop in the serotonin level makes you more horny, it also makes you depressed and anxious!

Even the smallest of things can upset you or your lover, and both of you may end up spending a lot of time trying to please each other with little acts of love and affection. While each act of love increases the love and attraction, each disappointment makes you more vulnerable to pain and depression. 

How to know if you are in love

Falling in love with someone, and staying in love with someone are two completely different experiences. While most people believe it was love right from the beginning, falling in love actually begins with a note of lust and sexual excitement along with the flutter of love.

Falling in love is like a drug, and unfortunately, just like a drug, it doesn’t really last forever. While the levels of chemicals like dopamine and serotonin gradually come back to normal after a few months or years depending on the type of relationship, it’s up to the lovers to find ways to keep the excitement in love alive.

Every time you have a crush on someone, the whole game of chemistry in love starts firing the Bunsen burners and we’re back to square one all over again.

But evolution and the hormone oxytocin though, have found a way to make lovers seek commitment and make couples fall in love forever. It has created stages in love, and all these experiences are just one single stage in the process of falling in love.

So how to know if you are in love? You’re going to be experiencing every single emotion that’s been explained here. But is your love going to last forever? Well, that’s a whole different story!

Originally this article appeared in lovepanky.com

10 Ways to Treat Your Husband Like a Man

by Greg Smalley

How many husbands are secretly thinking, “Hey! What about me?”  I know mine was—because he told me!  During an argument… I mean, a discussion, he said, “You know, you do a great job taking care of the kids, and you always want to make things fun, fun, fun for them. But the things I need from you get pushed to the bottom of the list.”  Not easy to hear, but he was right.

What about you?  What do you put ahead of your husband?  Your kids, your pets, your friends or hobbies?

Well think about this, if you don’t put your husband first, who will? Sadly, many men will look outside of their marriage for someone who will put them in the top spot.

Did you know that your husband craves your respect and admiration? In his book, Hidden Keys of a Loving, Lasting Marriage, Dr. Gary Smalley provides several practical ways to express admiration for your husband.

1. Seek His Advice.

By involving your husband in decisions, you are showing him that you respect his opinions and decision-making skills. Ask him his opinions on home decisions. Give him a few options for the dinner menu. Show him you value his advice by occasionally asking for it. However, Smalley warns, “Don’t overdo it though, for it might indicate to your husband that you are becoming too dependent and uncreative. Rather, maintain a balance by looking for special opportunities to seek his opinions and advice. As you carefully evaluate his ideas, he sees you consider him valuable.”

2. Remember His Requests.

Sometimes just simply remembering a comment in passing by your husband, then following through with it later, will make him feel incredibly special. Think back to a time where you casually mentioned an item you wanted and your husband surprised you with it. You felt special because he not only listened to you, but he made the effort to meet your need. Your husband is no different — he will appreciate signs of caring as well. Smalley explains, “Some facts about human relationships are as predicable as the laws of nature…. no one can continually ignore considerate, loving actions. If you make your husband feel special, you increase his desire to do the same for you.”

3. Brag on Him.

Casually lift your husband up in the presence of other people. This is not to say that you should obnoxiously brag about him to the point of annoying other people or embarrassing your husband. But simple comments to others about something nice he did for you, taking interest in what he says in group conversations, or a sincere compliment will go a long way toward making your husband feel appreciated. And be sure to always praise your husband to your children.

4. Understand His Job.

Take an active interest in your husband’s career and his feelings toward it. Smalley explains, “Many men are frustrated with their jobs, feeling that no one really appreciates their worth or value, their talents and abilities. When you appreciate what your husband does, you may become his only hope for achieving genuine self-worth. Until he really believes he is worth something, he will have difficulty focusing his attention on the worth of others — including you.” Smalley warns not to ever belittle his job, its importance to him, or his daily work activities. Smalley says, “Nothing destroys a man’s self-esteem more than to hear his wife cutting down his efforts to support her.” So show interest in your husband’s world of work, support him in his struggles, discover what he does on a daily basis, find out which projects he enjoys and which ones he doesn’t, and discover how he interacts with his co-workers. Don’t bombard him with questions all at once, but over time get to know who he is in his work life. And make sure he knows that your questions are meant to show interest in his life, not to pry or to imply that he loafs on the job. If you notice that he is unhappy with his job, Smalley advises, “When a man feels unimportant because of his job, it tears away at the very heart of his being. Help him discover the value of what he does.”

5. Be Open-Minded.

Listen to your husband’s decisions. This is not blind obedience, but rather open-minded listening. Rather than stubbornly holding on to your own wishes and immediately shooting down his wishes, discipline yourself to withhold your reaction and let his ideas sink in before you respond. By showing your husband that you respect his wisdom and leadership, you will be communicating that he is valuable. It is difficult for many of us to practice sacrificial love, and it is all too easy to make sure our own needs are being met, but try to show your husband you love him by respecting his leadership.

6. Express Admiration Verbally.

Who would you rather spend time with — someone who never says thank you or acknowledges your efforts to please him or someone who is considerate and makes you feel special? The same goes for your husband. He’s seeking affirmation and verbal appreciation from you. Smalley advises “Don’t let two days pass without expressing appreciation for at least one thing your husband has said or done during those forty-eight hours.”

7. Express Admiration Nonverbally.

According to Smalley, studies on marital communication show that verbal communication only accounts for 7 percent of the total communication between a husband and wife. The rest is comprised of voice tone (38 percent), and facial expressions and body movement (55 percent). That means that only a small portion of your meaning is conveyed through your actual words — the majority of your communication is in how you say it. So as you communicate with your husband, show you admire and respect him by reflecting it in your tone of voice and your body language.

8. Support His Goals.

Keep an eye out for your husband’s personal goals. He may not openly state them to you, so pay attention to his comments and actions that may reflect his deep desires for his life and your family. Give him plenty of support as he pursues his goals — whether they are advancing within his career, pursuing a higher educational degree, or enjoying a hobby or sport. For example, even though you may not particularly enjoy the social functions through his job, attend the company dinners with him to show you support his career. Or if he is actively involved in sports, attend his games. Encourage him when he feels like giving up on his dreams, and praise him when he accomplishes his goals.

9. Seek His Forgiveness.

Sometimes it’s difficult to admit we are wrong. Whenever you wrong your husband, don’t avoid the situation or blow it off with a casual, “I’m sorry.” Through sincere apology, acknowledge how you wronged him and seek his forgiveness. The best outcome of conflict is the strengthening of your relationship, so make sure conflict ends peacefully, and not as an unresolved issue. Show you respect and admire your husband by seeking reconciliation with him.

10. Concluding Thoughts…

Sometimes your husband may annoy you, and sometimes he may offend you, but Smalley says, “admiration looks beyond what he does to who he is. It’s unconditional.” And because men gravitate toward those who admire them, you will not only be meeting a need of your husband’s, but you will be improving your relationship as well.

This article is based on the book, Hidden Keys of a Loving, Lasting Marriage by Dr. Gary Smalley.

© 2007 iMom. All rights reserved.

Original Article: imom.com

The Unified Heart Field

You may or may not have heard of the unified field.  The unified field is our connection with ourselves and everything else in the world.  But there’s something even more specific than the unified field and that’s the unified heart field – that our heart is actually connected to every other heart in the world and that’s a powerful concept.

There is actually one pulse underneath our seeming world of duality.  What does this have to do with personal love?  In the world of duality love cannot exist without fear.  This plays out in personal relationships-our self in that potential partner – our self in the person we’re committed to-our self and the person we’re married to-our self and the former partner.  And there can be a lot of different dynamics going on between our self and other and that creates all that pain and aches and anxiety and stress that we feel in a personal lovelife. But as we sink deeper into a knowing and understanding a consciousness that our heart is actually one with all hearts, then we start to shift from duality to wholeness, separation to oneness.

And so, what I want to encourage you to do in regards to any personal relationship dynamic that you’re going through right now is to come into the space of wholeness within yourself.  The divine masculine and the divine feminine that true partnership that you are seeking to cultivate in your own personal lovelife actually deepens and cultivates and brews and matures inside of you.  This is truly where sacred love begins inside in that divine cauldron of yourself.  This has to happen before anything external happens in a healthy way is the maturity of the inner couple and this may feel very abstract to heart difficult concept to get but as you meditate on the true masculine for you and the true feminine for you, watching them come together, bringing them together and nurturing that inner relationship, you will start to see the shifts in the external world. 

That is unifying your own heart, your own sense of personal relationship within.  Allow that to come to you rather than seeking, looking, searching.  Basically, taking yourself out of the external dynamics of life and working, doing to connect to that inner sense of occupation and I think it’s a recognition on the society level of what we’re discussing on the personal level. 

It has to be born here it can be born elsewhere and that unity creates ripples and waves into the unified heart.  And we are all underneath it all one heart , which is all abundance, all love, all unity.

I encourage you to check out the inner marriage practice that is inside of our Love Spa that will guide you through the exercise of developing a deeper unity between the masculine and feminine.

It's Love Month!

Let us know how you are doing it in inspiring and fun ways with 3 photos and 3 descriptions send to info@sacredlove.com.
3 Winners will be Rewarded
on Sacred Love Day Feb 13th
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LOVE OVER TERROR

The Boston Marathon, an event all about love...the love of being the fittest, the strongest, and one of the most enduring runners in the world. The runners, their attendants and those enthusiastically watching them are motivated by the passion for health, for athletics, to run, to engage and achieve greatness.

With the heartbreaking events yesterday in Boston based on an act of terror, the lens becomes razor sharp again on the choice of senseless violence and destruction by an individual or group with no care for others or for self and for life ultimately.

Enough of the false and weak anger, rage and destruction that ends beauty, passion and strength and all things that matter to lovers and little ones, mothers and fathers, friends and communities.

We are as a species far greater and more resourced than this.

Remember what makes us ultimately human as inspired from Joseph Campbell--is the love that we express from our hearts to every other living person and thing.

Let LOVE be the statement we make, the fire we light, the ammunition we use, the communication about who we are, what we spend our time and energy consuming and sharing. Let LOVE be who we are.

For

LOVE  is the only enduring mark, act, measure for each of us.

Love Tips: How to Fight Fair

How you argue with your partner determines the success of your relationship.  This article offers love tips to really understand how to fight or end a fight without losing your control.  This is something that you need to learn.  Control is actually a primary requirement for fighting fair.  Regardless of how you feel, you cannot be abusive.

Disagreements will happen.  It happens in any relationship.  You will have different opinions and you will likely argue with your partner.  It is important, therefore, that you know how to fight fair.  Here are some great love tips on how to do just that.

First off, if you would like to fight fair, you need to ask your partner if you could engage in a conversation or discussion.  Just like aristocratic Europeans who invite their opponents to a duel, you should ask your partner or your lover if you could bring up a point of conflict.  You could begin by asking, “Can I bring an observation to your attention that I would like your thoughts about?”  If he or she is open to that discussion, then you can proceed in a calm voice.  If he or she is not open to this discussion, then you can ask them when it might be a better time, but don’t let the tension last before you go to sleep.  You need to resolve any conflict between you and your spouse as soon as you can.  Letting it simmer will eventually take the joy and ease out of your relationship.

These love tips will help you resolve conflicts without fighting dirty.  A fight often starts when two people rub each other the wrong way.  A simple observation could offend the more sensitive couple and this could spark a huge fight.  The difference in the couple’s attitudes, priorities and views can trigger a fight.  When faced with this kind of fight, you have two choices:  you could either fight in order to win or you could choose to engage in a conflict resolution discussion.  The latter choice allows you to find common ground which will help you empower yourselves as individuals and strengthen your relationship.  The first choice aims to dominate; the second choice aims to strengthen a partnership.

Love Tip Steps on Fighting Fair

1.  Begin your sentences with “I feel” when talking to your spouse.  Often, people do not see themselves clearly in a conflict; so it is important that you stay calm and you talk about your feelings instead of enumerating all his or her flaws or faults.  Talking about how you feel makes a lot of difference in a conversation.

2.  Consider how your partner feels too.  There is always room for constructive observation and feedback.  You need to look and consider your partner’s point of view and feelings as well and communicate those observations.  You need to find the balance between honoring your point of view and respecting your partner’s views as well.

Don’t be afraid of conflict. Conflict can be increasingly averted in your intimate relationship by understanding where each person is coming from. Your abilities to fight fair can help strengthen your relationship.

More love tips at Love TV.