Q&A: How do I overcome a sexual addiction?

Is sex all you think about? Sexual addiction may not be talked about as commonly as other addictions, but can be just as damaging in your life and relationships. Karinna Kittles-Karsten, relationships expert and love educator, offers steps on how to overcome this addiction.

Dear Karinna,

I am having sex with my wife 3-4 times a week, but whenever I see other women I become motivated to have sex with them too. I cannot control this urge. What is the solution to this?

-- S.

 

Dear S.,

I would call this type of behavior sexual addiction. Just like any other addiction to alcohol, food, or gambling, sex can become an addiction with destructive consequences. Here’s what you should know.

 

What is sexual addiction?

Sexual addiction takes root based on a build up of pressurized, personal psychological factors that then are acted-out through addictive behavior. When you are addicted to sex it doesn't matter how much you have it-- you want more. And sometimes the more you have it the more you want it. It is as if you have this great, uncontrollable hunger that doesn't go away and is leading you towards crossing inappropriate boundaries.

 

Take a look at your life

What is happening at work, with your health, and in the relationship dynamics with your wife, family members, and/or co-workers? Any one of these could be contributing to negative self-esteem and a loss of feeling in control-- you may or may not have even acknowledged this to yourself.

 

Take low self-esteem and a loss of control (due to psychological pressure from the current state of affairs in one's life), mixed with the cocktail of having a big sexual ego that makes you feel powerful and in control and you have the breeding ground for sexual addiction.

 

Healthy vs. destructive sexual ego

Take a look at your fundamental beliefs about sex. You may feel pretty good about your sexual abilities. You may also feel that your wife is sexually attracted to you and others of the opposite sex are as well, which makes you feel good about yourself. These are elements of having a healthy sexual ego.

 

But then you see attractive women on the street, at work, or in a restaurant and have the urge to please them. That urge takes over and you can't stop it in your mind and perhaps you may even cross the line and have affairs. This is a sexual ego that has turned destructive.

 

You can overcome it

Healthy Sexuality CD and The Relationship Between Sex and Power CD to help support you in understanding and engaging in a sexually healthy way. If you have crossed the line and had affairs, it is also time to face the truth with your wife.

Karinna Kittles-Karsten is an internationally recognized love educator and keynote speaker on creating high quality LOVE in our personal relationships as well as global connectivity. She is author of the best-selling book, Intimate Wisdom, The Sacred Art of Love, and the creator/host of the popular DVD Sacred Love-Making. For more information visit www.sacredlove.com.