Tuesday, June 10, 2014

When Is the Right Time to Sleep With Him?

This week I got several questions about the timing of sleeping with someone.  Should I sleep with him?  Should I not?  When I sleep with him, he doesn’t call me.  These kinds of questions. 

And so, I wanted to get right to the point of addressing when is the right time to sleep with someone. What are you seeking out of this particular relationship?  Do you just want to have a good time?  Is sharing yourself with that person telling them that you love them and you’re ready to commit?  It is very different for men and women.  Women, when you sleep with someone it is like you are mated with that person.  You might think that you disconnect as easily as a man but it’s not the case.  As soon as you share your body with a man, you feel bonded with that person and it might not necessarily be the same for the man.  He may more easily be able to move on and disconnect emotionally.

And so, there’s a three-step process in determining whether this is the time for you to sleep with someone.

1. How well do you know this person?  Is he healthy in the context of his other relationships? 

2. Have you develop a level of trust that you would be safe emotionally and physically in the situation.

3. What does it mean for you?  And what does it mean for the other person to share that sexual encounter?  Does it mean the same?  Because if it means the same, then you’re on the right track.  If it doesn’t mean the same to you, that’s what’s going to cause the pain and the stress and the confusion.  And why isn’t he calling me?  Why isn’t he texting me?  What happened here is that you don’t have the same context and reason for bonding with each other sexually.

So, I encourage you to really take this to heart and I want you to be very clear with yourself before you even get close to sexual encounter, of checking in on all three things.  If you don’t have them, then you know it’s like throwing dice and you may get something great and you may not.  You know you just want a one night stand then be okay with someone not calling you again, someone not texting you again.  You need to be on the same page and that will ultimately give you what you want.

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