'I've been mainly in physical relationships. No long-term relationships or serious boyfriends. I have self-esteem and insecurity issues that I want to work through. I want to be intimate but I know I can't be the best lover holding this in. I'm guarded. How do I let love in?'
Well, there's a few things going on. On one hand, you know that you need to go to the next level by letting go of your insecurities and having a relationship that's more than just sex. And on the other hand, you want to be intimate but you know you can't be the best lover with all of these going on. So, there's a little bit of a conflict in you.
And the way that I would suggest to resolve the conflict is number one, take sex out of the equation. Draw a line in the sand and be celibate for let's say a few months. It may take you longer but this is a commitment to yourself, giving yourself permission to be more than just someone to have sex with.
So, during this time I encourage you to get to the root of what is causing your insecurities. And insecurities are usually about anxiety, not feeling good enough, a fear, could be a cocktail of things, anger. You want to become intimate with yourself first and foremost. And really understand what is at the root of these insecurities.
I want you to understand that. Really go inside of yourself and see your emotions -- negative emotions of love so that they can release them and they can dissolve.
Secondly, you want to cultivate your virtues - the virtues of love, compassion, care, understanding, sensitivity. You need that in surplus to have a healthy great relationship.
Then, you want to develop your mind. Really become a student of life and there's so many ways to learn today - in the internet, through seminars, through blogs, through highcast.
There's so many ways to learn. Develop part of your mind that you've never developed. So, if there's technology out there that you've always wanted to go and learn, go learn it - style or history or mathematics, learn it. As you develop your mind and cultivate your virtues, you're going to feel so much more confident, so much more capable of being attractive as the whole package. And if you feel attractive as the whole package, you will attract the person that sees you as that. And you will become the best lover when you can arouse a partner's mind, heart, spirit and mind.