Wednesday, March 23, 2005

If being present can make us feel so good, why do we fall short of being present in relationship?

Let’s take an intimate relationship, for example. In the beginning of an intimate relationship, we usually enjoy the experience of being present. We listen to every word, look into each others eyes, are inquisitive and interested, and express a great desire to connect. Most people refer to this as the honeymoon stage; a time of carefree enchantment with our loved one. As we settle into a relationship however, we can end up getting distracted or zoning out when we spend time together. Other areas of life call to us and we fall into half listening, more time watching TV or on the computer, and less time sharing the gift of being present with one other. Our lack of being present usually is a result of several of our human challenges. The first is our wanting nature, which is our list of desired life experiences. Our wanting can be directed at a number of things at one time; a new home or car, more financial freedom, fulfillment in our career or in a specific area of relationship. Our lists can preoccupy us endlessly.

Secondly we can experience the challenge of pressure. Our career, family obligations, and our to do list can run us like a machine. These pressures can make us feel that we have to be one or two steps ahead to balance it all.

Our third challenge isaversion. Specific interactions with the other person can bring up an aversion to being present. We may have a tendency to avoid when we don’t want to discuss something that might issue sensitive feelings or be a repetitive topic. We may want to avoid when we ourselves, the other person, or the relationship, are going through a period of difficulty. Aversion can also creep up when we feel challenged.

Our wanting nature, pressure and aversion create distraction in us. We can go through the motions of interacting and engaging in our lives and wonder why we are discontent, bored, and have lifeless relationships. We can lose our joy of life and relationships when we spend our moments distracted, distant, stressed and not fully present.

Visit for more information or consider purchasing the Healthy Sexuality CD. In this CD you will learn how to qualify a sexual partner. You will also discover how to communicate honestly about sex before and throughout a sexual relationship and how to move through your intimacy thresholds to enjoy a healthy, juicier, longer lasting sexual relationship. This Audio CD discussion is led by Internationally Recognized Educator Karinna Kittles.

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