Monday, June 30, 2014

Affection Starved: How to Avoid Withdrawal Syndrome Post Break Up

Since my last relationship ended, I have found myself gaining weight.  I feel lonely and I can’t satiate my hunger. 

This is a pretty common problem.  After one ends their relationship it is really normal to feel lonely and there is certainly the possibility of over eating but sometimes that’s not even the case.  You’re eating normally and you start packing on more weight.  This is you feeling affection starved.

Your body packs on weight because it is actually trying to protect you from the love famine and it’s a withdraw process.

So, here are some suggestions for you.

1.  Massage is a great way to get that tactile sense from another caregiver in a non-threatening way, just so that you feel that touch, that sensitivity.  It really helps to soothe you and it’s a wonderful way to get through this period.

2.  A friend of mine told me yesterday that what they did when their relationship ended and they were in a transition period was they went dancing.  They learned all the couples’ dances in a group class and I thought that was a great thing to do.  She got a wonderful tactile touch, which she needed and she got to meet people and learned dancing too, which I think is a great combination for this period of time for you.

3.  What I want to suggest this something a little out of the box.  It’s called platonic cuddling.  Now, you may go away.  That’s not for me.  But, wait a second, listen here.  You may have a friend that you trust and that you would mind cuddling with.  And so, you just ask that friend, do you mind cuddling with me once a week or twice a week?  And you spend half an hour just cuddling in a non-threatening non-sexual way and you can let down your guard again and relax into your body.  And you feel that love energy from your friend. 

Cuddling is actually catching on worldwide.  There are groups of people that cuddle together.  Ten, fifteen at a time where they’re actually in a group cuddling and sometimes that’s easy to digest.  You don’t feel like oh I’m just with one person boundaries keep get a little blurred.

A group setting up cuddling is actually an interesting idea.  And there is a non-profit that you can check out called Cuddled Party and they have events across many different states where you can go.  There’s very specific roles.  It’s a very non-threatening way to support you in getting your physical nurturing needs match.

I highly recommend really taking care of yourself during this time and appreciating that you do need affection, that you do need love, that you do need touch regardless if you’re in a relationship right now or not.  

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