Monday, November 05, 2012

Advice Relationship Ask Karinna: Betrayal of Trust

When someone has betrayed your trust in a relationship it feels like someone has punched you in the stomach and it feels absolutely terrible.

Depending on the level of intimate relationship you have with this person or persons, will determine how deep you feel the betrayal. For instance, if it is an acquaintance you would say "oh, that was wrong". But if it is a best friend or a spouse or a partner or really a tight colleague you will feel like your foundation has crumbled as your most intimate relationships make up your support system.

Most people will betray your trust because they are afraid of your truth. And I want you to really remember that.
Some suggestions for dealing with the betrayal of trust:

First, assess the situation. Determine what the betrayal was and how it was executed. Before you do anything else, just discover what it was. Before you talk to anyone. What was it? How are you getting this information? How do you know that this betrayal actually occurred?

Second, confront the situation. Make the person or people that betrayed your trust very aware through clear communication that you know what is happening.

Third, give them the opportunity to come clean. For the record is this true or not true? You ask for the reason why. Know that you may not get the real truth so you have to be prepared for that. If the party or parties answer that they don't know why it happened. Then you are dealing with people that are not connected to their own truth.

Last, ask for a remedy. Whether it is an apology or an acknowledgement or going to couples coaching or a proposed solution. Request this. Then you ask them if they are prepared to give that to you.

Often when people betray another person, they feel entitled or they blame the other party for why they betrayed you. When you get their response of how prepared they are to give you what you need in terms of a remedy you will know their level of value for you and their level of commitment to your relationship.

Do not back down from asking or expecting the truth and respect. It is the only way you can genuinely have a healthy love and a healthy life.

To support you more fully to deal with a betrayal see Intimate Wisdom, The Sacred Art of Love sections Honoring Yourself In Love and Characteristics of a Sacred Lover.
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