Thursday, September 22, 2005

Ask Karinna

Last month we asked you to send in your questions about love and intimacy to Karinna for her newest feature to the newsletter, Ask Karinna, and we would like to thank all of you who responded. We are sorry we cannot answer every one, but we will do our best to try and pick a question each month that many can benefit from. Our first question is from Lauren and Ben, who are a newly engaged couple in Los Angeles. We'll start with Lauren's question:

Lauren: When something big is going on at work or I have something I need to decide in my career I communicate it to Ben. I want him to give me advice. He says, "Oh honey, that sucks." This brings up rage in me. My dad usually gives me advice. I want Ben to be stronger and give me his opinion. How can I get him to do that?

Karinna: It appears that what you are looking for is support. You need to feel supported about what is going on for you.

When we need support we look for things that are comforting to us, like comfort food. In this case it would be the way dad has always comforted you when something was up.

In your mind this is how you experience the masculine and how the important masculine in your life should respond.So it brings up your anger because Ben is not meeting your archetype of the masculine.

Our masculine and feminine archetypes, which the famous psychologist Carl Jung and Mythologist Joseph Cambell wrote extensively about, are made up of our most formative male and female figures in our life. In this case your dad is the strong archetype of the masculine.

What you need to do is expand your definition of the masculine so you can experience the support of the masculine in the way that Ben is already giving it to you. And recognize that what you are needing immediately is support and comfort; the advice can come later.

Ben you can support Lauren with your masculine strength by becoming a better listener. And even though you may not have the answer for her right away, you can respond in a more mature way with your communication.

As a possibility say to her, "Honey, thank you for communicating this to me. Let me think about it for the afternoon or through tomorrow and then give you my advice."

Then give Lauren a hug to make her feel supported.

We will answer Ben's question next month. If you have a question for Karinna, please send it to Ask Karinna at: Please visit the Sacred Love website for more insights.

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