Monday, November 14, 2005

Ask Karinna

QUESTION: I don't know what to do.... I have a boyfriend but I love
someone else. I'm not telling my friends. I don't want them to pity me.
What should I do?

KARINNA: The first thing I want to say is it is understandable that you are in a lot of pain. If you are living a double life, lying to your boyfriend and your friends, you can't feel good about yourself or be at peace.

First you have to figure out why you have fallen in love with someone else. Is it for excitement? Because it is taboo? Are you not getting what you need in your relationship with your boyfriend? Does the new person meet your needs more than your boyfriend?

It is important to decide what it is that you want in a relationship and if either people-- your boyfriend or the other person-- actually has the qualities that you need to have a truly fulfilling relationship. Or do you want and are you capable of having a committed, one-on-one

Secondly, it is important to tell the truth. Let your boyfriend know what is happening. Maybe you are not in love anymore or you don't feel that you have the connection that will bring you long term fulfillment or that maybe you want to see other people. Be honest so that you can
stop your own suffering and causing harm to anyone else. Even if this means losing your boyfriend, by being honest you will gain yourself again.

Thirdly, if you are having a sexual affair with the other person and you do not know their sexual health status, you are endangering not only your health but your boyfriend's sexual health as well.

The only way that you will begin to feel better and experience the kind of relationship you want is by being honest with yourself, your boyfriend, the other person, and making choices that will lead you to a healthy, loving experience of intimacy.

Send your questions to Karinna at

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